yes, no, maybe so...

I've been on a rollercoaster ride the past few days, so let's take a moment to see what I mean...

Monday: Senior seminar class goes around the classroom introducing ourselves and saying what we plan to do after graduation. Concensus: no one has a friggin' clue what they will do, if they will be able to get a job, or even if they like their major anymore. People with internships admit to seeing a side of their career they didn't really think about before and now it's tainted. This leads me recognize that, yes, finding a job is going to be a bitch. Professor then talks about his journey to discovering he wanted to be an environmental writer. I start thinking that maybe I should go back to school for nutrition and do something with that and writing or advertising. Hmmm...

Tuesday: Wake up at 6am to get ready for the internship. It snowed and of course traffic was all jacked up so I was in the car for nearly an hour and a half to get to work. Work on a few projects left over from last week and finish them way before my "hand off" with my supervisor. Turn on my radio to help distract me so that my projects take me longer. Later in the day need to go out of my way to ask for more work so that I don't lose my mind. While dealing with my boredom, realize that the working world is totally not what I thought it'd be and can't imagine doing this five days a week. Freak out and start texting a friend about how I seriously don't want to graduate and get a job if it means I have to do this day in and day out.

Wednesday: Notice my shrinking bank account and freak out. Big time. So much for being able to afford the new laptop that I desperately need. Shit. Start adding in my head how much I'm spending in gas to get to my (unpaid) internship and school, then figure how much I will make by only working two days a week at my other job. Realize that the money I make will barely cover my gas. Freak out more. Start filling out an application for Wal-Mart and start thinking that I really need to graduate - and soon - so that I can start making real money. Exactly opposite from what I was hoping for on Tuesday. Jeez.

Yeah, I don't really know what to think about that either.

Classroom Therapy

I'm taking a senior seminar course this semester in order to complete requirements within the Journalism and Mass Communication department at my college. We took time at the beginning of the class period to go around and say a little bit about ourselves, like our track within the department and what we want to do after graduation.

I was not expecting this to be like a therapy session, but everyone took this as an opportunity to be really honest, and it was both refreshing and scary.

• "I have no idea what I want to do after graduation."
• "I just want a job! I don't really care what it is as long as it pays."
• "I'm doing Broadcast, and I just started an internship at a local TV station. I hate it!"
• "My internship showed me that this might not actually be what I want to do."
• "Hopefully I find a job after graduation. I will have to go back to school if I don't."
• "I'm really worried I won't be able to find a job."
• "I don't even like this major anymore, but I just want to graduate!"

These were the types of comments I heard as we circled the classroom. I'm also worried that finding a job is going to be quite the challenge, so it was comforting in a way to hear that I wasn't alone. I was, however, discouraged to hear so many people unhappy with their major.

Our professor took this as an opportunity to tell his story about finding his passions and making a career out of it. He was a college student and nearly dropped out, then started doing environmental work and paired that with his passion for writing.

I started to think that maybe if things don't work out right away for me, I can always go back to school (even though I'm not fond of that idea) and get a degree in nutrition, then pair my writing experience with my passion for health. Who knows.