who knew pencils were so exciting?

I survived my first day as an intern, everyone! I didn't make a fool of myself, get lost, or screw anything up. So basically, it was a success! I have my very own desk in a row of cubicles, my very own computer, and my very own legal pads. Oddly enough, I am missing a garbage can, but I plan to steal one soon.

Anyway, I opened my desk draw yesterday in hopes of finding a working pen, and holy plethora of office supplies! Pens and rubber bands and paper clips galore! It was at this moment of seeing a seemingly infinite supply of office goodies that I knew I was an intern.

I've already purchased a potential graduation dress and may have even started a small post-graduation job search. What can I say, I'm ready for this semester to be over already. I'm having a hard time adjusting to waking up early and I'm already bored with my classes. Oh well, I'll be regret saying that as soon as my homework starts piling up.

I'm on a Glamour blog!

http://www.glamour.com/weddings/blogs/save-the-date/2010/01/almost-engaged-girls-do-you-tr.html

not wanting what I want, or something like that

My internship starts Tuesday. Uh, less than a week from now. And on Monday, I start my last semester of college. Very, very excited about the last semester of college. It feels so good.

I've been totally looking forward to growing up. Finally being done with college and moving on with my life. Having structure. Working 9-5. Wearing business clothes. Spending my day in a cubicle.

And it's all hitting me right now that I'm going to be waking up at the butt-crack of dawn every day. And wearing painful (yet cute) heels. And being an unpaid intern, then searching for my big kid job. And this life means no more Tune-In Tuesdays (new movies release on Tuesdays so my BF or his friends will buy one and we watch it together after the BF gets done with work at 10pm). No more going out on Sunday nights. No more staying up til 2am having a How I Met Your Mother marathon of sorts.

Because after this semester, it's the real world, baby. No going back.

It's funny, because I was absolutely dying for the day to come when I'd be a real adult, and now I'm thinking, "Holy shit, my days of being a silly young adult are over really fast." Ugh, I'm probably just nervous and stressed, but it amazes me how I wanted something so badly, and now that it's staring me in the face, I'm freaking out. Jeez, what's my deal?

Time to take a deep breath. Learning to wake up early is going to suck. I'm sooo not a morning person. Hello, giant cup of coffee. And secretly, I'm really excited to wear dress clothes twice a week. So there will be no more Tuesday movie night and no more going out Sunday night. But this is me moving on with my life, and I should be really proud of myself for having gotten this internship and for wanting to be successful.

So yeah. Prepare yourself for upcoming blogs about my addiction to coffee and anger towards sexy yet uncomfortable heels. :)

(photo from here)

the plan

If you don't know where you're going, how are you going to get there?

As I've mentioned before, I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. I've also been lacking a bit in the inspiration department. It's a strange combination, really, because I've been stuck in their weird thoughtful/depressed/out-of-focus/introspective mode for the past few days. And during this mode, I've sorted out a sort of guide for what I would like to happen in the future.

* Begin my internship in just over a week and kick ass at it. Create lots of wonderful pieces to add to my portfolio.

* Start looking for my big kid job near the end of March. Show Milwaukee agencies why I would be awesome.

*Happily graduate on May 16, 2010. Hooray! Hello, life beyond lecture halls and textbooks.

* Work at my first real job for at least one year and continue to improve my skills and build upon my portfolio.

* While working and finally making more than minimum wage, save money and refine my budgeting skills. Learn to say "no" to even great deals! Financial health will be a priority.

* After at least one whole year at my first job, take the next step in my career. Perhaps it will be time to move to a big city - Chicago, LA?

* Buy a house! Ah, to be a homeowner. I am definitely looking forward to finding the perfect first place.

* Continue to grow in my career and make my way up the ladder. Someday a creative director, perhaps? Be driven by passion, not money.

So what am I doing right here, right now? Putting a freeze on my spending, doing well in my classes, and preparing to knock their socks off at my internship. I'm also looking to begin a bit of a personal reform: being healthier. This means the health of my finances, eating right, maybe exercising, and maintaining a positive attitude, no matter how hard it can seem sometimes.

snippets of my life at this moment:

* GOT AN INTERNSHIP! Will be copywriting (unpaid, sad) for a big company in the Milwaukee area. Going to learn a lot and have tons of goodies for my portfolio when I am done!

* Splurged on a whole bunch of work clothes as a reward.

* Should not have splurged since my hours at my paid job will be decreasing soon. Eh, whatever!

* Going out for drinks with my boyfriend's sister tomorrow to celebrate my internship and a new job for her! Go us!

* Boyfriend mentioned wanting a gym membership and that he would like to start eating more vegetables. Nearly fell over with shock. Or happiness, can't decide.

* Worried I might be getting mildly addicted to RedBull again. Early mornings suck.

* And it gets worse: the other morning I had a RedBull and McDonalds egg McMuffin for breakfast. That definitely does not qualify as a balanced breakfast...

* A friend from Iowa will be visiting the area next weekend and I miraculously have off of work. So. Freakin'. Excited!

* My living space is a disaster. Time to crawl out from under my heated blanket and get crap done. Erg.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

thinking ahead

I've been spending an awful lot of time in my own head these past few days. It's a dangerous thing, really. Thinking too much about too much leads to overload and breakdown. No breakdown yet though, but overload for sure.

I haven't spent this much time thinking silently since I left my college in Iowa. Yeeks.

See, the thing is, I see how my life is right now, and I feel okay about it. It's not perfect, but I'd never expect it to be. But thinking about now leads to thinking about the future and I get caught up in the "what if?" game. And that game is no fun.

I want to live happily ever after, even though I know that's unrealistic. Many peoples' lives never turn out the way they thought they would. But I want to be sure that I don't find myself twenty years from now grumpy and wishing I had done things differently.

Where's that crystal ball when I need it?

Sure, I don't want to know exactly how my life turns out, but I want to be sure that I won't regret the decisions I'm making now, later.

I want to be happy.

If that means I have to draw some lines and admit some hard-to-admit things, then that's what I think needs to happen. I can't be in denial about my life. I need to be honest with myself and say, "This is the way I want things to be to ensure that I am happy in the future."

Here's what I want:

1. House.

2. Successful career.

3. Happy, healthy husband.

4. Stability.

5. Love.

And you know what? I'm going to have those things, no matter what.