realizations and challenges

I've been cranky lately, and I've been letting the little things get to me. It's given me a bad outlook on life and I've been questioning some of the most stable things in my life. I don't have the greatest job, and that's a fact. But I can't let that get me down. I'm stressed balancing college and work and my life, that's also a fact. But I can't let that make me an anxious freak. I am a little lonely not having a super close friend like I've had in the past, that's a fact, too. But I can't let that fact keep me from staying in touch with and appreciating the friends that I do have. 

I need to remember to take time for myself and remember my priorities. I need to refocus my attention sometimes to appreciate all the things that are going right. I need to understand that life has its ups and downs, and I can't let myself mistake a moment of downfall for an apocolypse. No, I don't have it all, but I sure as hell do have a lot. 

I have two potential internships for the summer sitting on the horizon. I really hope that one of them pans out because I'm worried I won't be experienced enough when it comes to the "real world". Speaking of the real world, in one year and two weeks from now, I am going to be graduating. How cool is that? Sure, I need to take summer classes and work my ass off for the next whole year, but I need to remind myself that it's all going to pay off in the end. 

Jameson and I are planning a vacation to San Francisco this summer. The idea for a vacation was mine, and it came up kind of suddenly - I was itching to be anywhere but here. It took come convincing, but Jameson got on board with the idea. Then we realized I had my summer schedule all wrong, and I didn't have a decent break until right before the fall semester. At first, I was really disappointed... I wanted to go on vacation soon! But then we realized our money would go a lot further if we booked really far ahead, and so we're going to be able to stay there for at least another day than we had first thought. I'm really excited because 1) I've never been to CA, and 2) its going to be just me and him for days and days. That will feel really nice.

I don't like my current job for a few reasons, but one of them is because I have to serve gross, smelly hot dogs and make weird slimey chicken bakes. And sometimes I have to help in the deli by peeling apart rotissere chickens. Yuck! So I joked that I was going to become a vegetarian. To be honest, becoming a vegetarian has always been something I've been interested in, and I've seemed to have a strangely large number of friends who have been vegetarians, but I've never committed to it. For some reason now, however, I feel like its the kind of change I want to make. Or at least its something I'd like to try for awhile. I don't know what my real motivation was, but I think it has to do with me just wanting to grow up and become better in some ways. Sure, I use reuseable bags and sometimes buy organic or all-natural and try to recycle whenever possible, but this just seems like something bigger and better. A personal challenge for personal growth, perhaps. Well, we'll see how this goes, especially since I'm not a fan of salads.

Summer is almost here, and I think there's something uplifting about going from the cold winter and dreary, rainy springtime into the brightness and warmth of summer. It obviously is having an affect on my mood, and I hope I stay this uplifted. I'm really looking forward to walks on the beach and bike rides and jet-skiing. Maybe I'll even find the time to read a good book...