much needed change of heart

I'm currently in such a good mood that I absolutely must blog about it!

So I went thrifting and rummaging with a good old friend today and got the most amazing stuff. I found two awesome necklaces; one is a bunch of tiny light colored shells together on a long strand and the other sadly had a broken chain but the pendant was this awesome silver and teal concoction. Beautiful I tell you. Perhaps I will take pictures of all my goodies to share later. Oh, and I also bought this really sweet vase thats like octogon-shaped and it's blue with cherry blossoms on it. Now I have to buy some flowers to go inside! I also found this great tunic of brown and orange for only $5! What a steal! So all this thrifting really got the blood runnin' in my veins. :)

The friend that I went on this adventure with is just a doll. We always have really great conversations that make me really think about life and such. Good chats, I tell you. Today we were talking about my employment issues and she mentioned that everything happens for a reason. At first I was like, "Sure, sure, whatever." But she's right. Not only am I learning to be patient and not stress and worry about things that aren't in my control, but I also am learning that, sure, I'm a good person and I'm smart and a hard worker, but that doesn't guarantee me a damn thing. Now this may seem like common knowledge to normal people, but this is something that I really needed to discover (apparently the hard way). So there: this whole job bullshit is good for me. Now who thought I'd ever say that?

Plans for the evening:

*Maybe going out to see The Ugly Truth with a friend

*Making an awesome summer dinner of burgers and corn on the cob!

*Oh yeah, and that cleaning I haven't gotten to yet...

Plan for tomorrow:

*The County Fair with the Boyfriend... yay! :)

Odds and Ends... and French Braid Love

1. I love LC.

2. I love french braids.

So I've got a little extra skip in my step again today, so I plan to take full advantage of my good mood. The Boyfriend and I made lunch together today. It's silly how doing something so mundane together can still be very enjoyable.

We recently got my kitties a new toy; it's a wand (as the Boyfriend likes to call it) with a string that has a bell and sparkly ribbons at the bottom. Well, one of our cats is obsessed with it. He plays with it constantly and will drag it around the apartment with him. Last night, however, he decided to wake us up not once, but twice, to try and get us to play with him. I. Could. Have. Killed. Him.

One of my friends is moving far, far away with his adorable little family. I'm going to miss him. But that's not the point. The point is, I'm mad at myself for not spending more time with him and his adorable son before he moved away. I know that we'll still be friends though, because he is good at keeping up with whats going on in my life and checking in on me. But still... I feel guilty for not putting forth the effort while I had the chance. Have you ever felt this way?

My Plans for the Day:

*Braiding my hair (or attempting to...)

*Picking up yet another application (see? that's determination)

*Going to a new consignment store in town (I've been dying to go)

*Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!

(LC pic from here)

could that be a smile, perhaps?

So after sleeping in and stumbling around the apartment in nothing but my undies and one of the Boyfriend's big t-shirts, I sat down at the computer to go over my emails and browse blogs, as has been my usual morning routine.

And you know what I discovered (without the help of my no-good advisor)? I am done taking science classes! WOO HOO! It's not that I don't like science, I am kind of a nerd, but I am sooo sick and tired of the massive amounts of general education requirements I've been forced to take. So... YIPPEE!

In my excited mood, I then perused some blogs and stumbled across rockstar diaries and I thought it was delightful! First of all, I couldn't help but steal this quote from her:

Isn't that just fabulous? Also, she has this little happiness project going on where people write to her with the things that make them terribly happy. So since I'm feeling all bright and cheery today, I decided to do the same:

1. Freshly cut grass

2. Tiny dogs dressed up in tiny outfits

3. Kissies and snuggin'

4. Old people who sit in their garages and watch the traffic go by

5. Popsicles!

6. Making popcorn chicken and then rampaging the cupboards to find anything and everything we could possibly dip them in

7. Baby animals

8. Fresh flowers

9. Hearing songs on the radio that I haven't heard in forEVER (like "Extra Ordinary" by Better Than Ezra)

10. Thunderstorms

(doggie pic from here)

let's drink to my crappy life

First of all, I want to apologize for my blog

consisting of me bitching continuously.

But seriously, I feel like the world is crapping on me.

More about that below...

I'm definitely going to be drinking tonight! Sure, I have only two very important placement tests tomorrow, but I need to drink tonight. I'll do my best to not get wasted, but I won't make any promises.

I've been working very part-time at a nice little salon. When I got my retail job, I kept one day at the salon to give my manager a day off each week. Then when I lost that job, they were kind enough to give me some extra hours that probably should have been covered anyway. Wasn't that nice? Yes it was. Then I got my new job at the boutique and thanks to some miscommunication my hours for the rest of the month were given to someone else. No biggie.

On Sunday I ran into one of the nail technicians/receptionists at the Farmer's Market (which was awesome, by the way. I plan on going next week for some fresh veggies and flowers!). Anyway, we got to talking and after I told her about my more recent job loss, she informed me that her and another receptionist were taking some vacation time in August, and so I might be able to pick up some hours and help out - the manager was going to be working some pretty long shifts to cover everything, it sounded like. So I sent her an email asking if she wanted any help.

Now, imagine my surprise when the reply was less than grateful for my offer. In fact, she went as far as to say that I was disrespecting the salon by keeping inconsistent hours since I first left in winter. Wait a second, when I first left, I kept my one day a week at the salon to give her a day off! And whoa, whoa, whoa... did I just get fired again?!

Honestly, I have no idea. She was very unclear about that, so I guess now I just have to wait and see what she says. Is this really happening?

I won't lie to you; I cried. I am so tired of things going wrong for me. I just got a letter in the mail from the business that I gave the terrible first impression to. Needless to say, I didn't get a call back for another interview, but instead received a letter saying they were "pursuing another candidate." I threw it out without having the heart to tell the Boyfriend about it. I'm so tired of feeling like a worthless failure.

Anyway, here are some other less depressing updates:

1. My mother's birthday is today so the whole family is going out to dinner. Yum!

2. I've been studying really hard the last few days for my math placement test so hopefully I don't bomb it! :)

(picture from here)

let's do this

Dearest Boyfriend,

This is my dream; I want to pack all of our belongings and kitties and toss them in the back of our car and drive west until we hit the ocean. I want to let our adventurous sides loose and just do whatever our big hearts desire.

Sincerely,

Olivia

One of my newest friends recently told me that she plans to run away to LA and go back to school for makeup artistry and hair styling. My first thought was to find a way to pack myself in one of her bags and go with her! Does she have a logical plan? Probably not... but that's probably why its so appealing to me! I just wanna run away and do whatever the heck I want to without worrying all the time about what the "right" choice.

(picture from here)

Things I Gotta Do Today

Doesn't this to-do list make you giggle? It's frighteningly close to reality to me, but still humorous! Anyway, I have a bunch of things I should be getting done today...

1. Get the boyfriend a b-day card and buy the rest of his present. This should be an easy one, but I'm broke and I spend an insane amount of time in the card aisle looking for just the right card. His birthday is on Monday and I've very excited for him to finally be the big 21. :)

2. Re-learn math. I have a placement test to take for school so that I can someday graduate, and I'm actually pretty scared about the math one. English, no biggie. Math on the other hand... well, let's just say I haven't taken a math class in FIVE years. Oh yeah. So when I was at Barnes and Noble the other day I bought CliffNotes for Algebra 1 and Basic Math & Pre-Algebra. Sadly, I do need them both.

3. Find a JOB. I almost want to cross that off and just give up, but unfortunately my money tree is not growing very well. I need a job, like, yesterday. The funds are dwindling very quickly and I need to stop depending on my boyfriend. Not because he isn't being helpful, but because I feel sooo guilty for being a couch potato. Job prospects at the moment: barista and foot model. Hmm...

So it's actually a very short list, but not a terribly fun one. Oh well. I wish I was outside - it looks gorgeous! Maybe I'll take my math books and study outside... now that sounds more like it!

(funny to-do list found here)

a day in her shoes

Can I be this girl? Please?

I wanna be cute and ride a bike with a basket around a big bustling city. And are those flowers in her basket? I want those, too. I want to be happy and carefree and friendly.

But right now, I'm stressed, broke, and cranky. I'm being mean to my boyfriend for no good reason. I'm tired all the time, and I'm so sick of looking for jobs online and finding nothing. I'm also tired of being scammed by "employers" who try to make me get a credit check or take a personality test which is nothing more than stupid pay-per-click ads or make me fill out applications which are nothing more than a way for them to steal my info. Ugh.

And since my fall class schedule recently changed to be majorly sucky, my job options are even more limited than before. I need a job, like, yesterday. I need money so my boyfriend doesn't feel obligated to work overtime since, uh, I can't really afford to help very much with rent. Or groceries. Or anything.

All I want to do is go out and get some coffee and shop til I drop! I'm very frustrated, as I'm sure you can tell. Sadly, the dishes aren't going to do themselves, so I'm just going to have to dream on about being the adorable girl in the picture.

Doesn't that look like fun though? Biking around a big city in the sunshine? :)

(picture of adorable girl found here)

the world continues to crap on me

At 1:00 today, I had a meeting on campus to make my major declaration official since it recently came to my attention that I only thought I was a Journalism & Mass Comm major. Surprise! Well anyway, I went down to campus to make things official, onyl to realize that not being an official major was the least of my worries. A fifteen minute meeting lasted well over an hour.

I am currently taking the wrong natural science course this summer. I've taken too many geography, so now I need something else. Who knew you could only take so many of one type of science? Not me, apparently. So I dropped it, but probably won't get my money back. Ugh.

I am a senior, but have not yet taken my english and math placement tests. Don't be too surprised; its because I've transferred a lot. But that means I need to take very long and very boring tests next week. I haven't taken a math class in 5 years, so I am not very hopeful of placing well in math. Gah!

For next semester, I am currently signed up for 18 credits which is more than I am interested in taking. I'm thinking I'm going to drop one so that I don't go crazy, but I have to wait and see how I do on my placement tests. Wish me luck! Oh, and there is one class that I definitely won't be dropping: "The Tree of Life" - heck yes, that's my new science class! Hey, at least I can laugh about my dramatic day.

(photo from here)

wedding awesomeness

I saw this on a blog that I read, A Cup of Jo, and I thought it was awesome! My boyfriend walked into the room when I was watching this and has made up his mind that we should be creative with our wedding someday, too. Can I see myself dancing down the aisle? Probably not. But this did look like a lot of fun!

When is my luck going to improve?

Sorry about the lame photo. It does, however, accurately describe the way I felt yesterday. I had an interview for a job downtown. I left with plenty of time, dealt with a bit of traffic, but got down to the 3rd Ward with 15 minutes to find a parking spot. Psh, who was I kidding? I went around the blocks like a bazillion times until I finally had to give up and park in a garage for $6. Ugh.

I get out of my car in the parking garage and realize I have about 60 seconds to make it to the office if I'm going to be on time. Running in heels is practically impossible. I get to the building and the doors, all key-card access, are locked. FML. So I trudge over to another office owned by the same company and ask them if I was even in the right place. Unable to contact anyone at the other office, they send me back to try again.

On the second try, I notice a very strange, large box that supposedly acts as a telephone into the various offices. First I call the wrong office and can't figure out how to make the stupid box hang up. Then I finally figure out how to call the right office and a woman comes down to open the doors for me. At this point, I am a depressing 12 minute late. I hate making terrible impressions.

I walk into the room with the person from HR and three other candidates. The HR person asks for my name and says, "Oh, I didn't even know you were coming!" Oh, brother. That, however, I will say was not my fault seeing as I did RSVP via email. So there. She then goes on to explain the two available positions: I had applied for a retail position, but there also was an admin position that I hadn't known existed. Screw retail, I want the other job! Anyway, the HR woman is explaining the heirarchy of the company to us when, just my luck, my phone goes off; during my frantic running around I forgot to put it on silent. FML.

The rest of the group interview thing goes fairly well, and I stayed for a moment after to explain to the woman that I am extremely interested in the admin position. I couldn't decide if she was just in a hurry, or if she had already written me off after the awful impression I had made that evening. I am really crossing my fingers that even though that was by far the worst first impression I've ever made in an interview, that she has it in her heart to forgive and forget. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

(photo from here)

feeling thrifty

Since I got my awesome vintage skirt, I can't get my mind off of being thrifty! I have the sudden urge to go to thrift stores and visit farmer's markets and ride my bike around town. I want to be part of a carefree and free-spirited lifestyle.

(pic from here)

Wanna see something GROSS?

I'm finally about to start my third of three summer classes, and I am so ready for these summer classes to be over! Anyway, the first discussion that we had to complete was about an environmental concern that we had, and I mentioned that I was concerned about our huge amount of waste and mindless lack of recycling.

This made me think of something I'd heard of at one of my salon's meetings: the Garbage Island. So I decided to look it up, and the video was worse than I expected. This mass of plastic and other trash is twice the size of Texas, and it's swirling around in the North Pacific. Watch the video; you'll be shocked.

please pass the tears

I went to dinner at my parents, and I don't know if it was the awful traffic I had just dealt with or my recent stress or the pressure caused from just being in the same room as my mother, but I almost burst into tears. No good. And then my boyfriend called (who by the way is working overtime today and I can't help but think he agreed because he needs the extra money to help me) and I was terribly short with him. And that, of course, just made me more upset because he's been nothing but nice to me. Ugh.

On the bright side, I met up with a friend from school today since we both had things we needed to do on campus (such as drop $60 on one single book... gah!) and so we ran our errands and got coffee which was very nice. I love coffee. Coffee makes everything better. Granted, it makes the bank account smaller, but its just so yummy! Anyway, after getting coffee we stopped at this fun little vintage place called Re-Threads and I found the most adorable skirt ever! I took a picture of it but the lighting in my apartment is ghastly so it looks terribly yellow. Anyway, its green with bits of red and white and black and a tiny bit of blue. Pretty! Oh, and the best part... it has pockets! I love skirts that have pockets; its so functional. Maybe this is a bit of good luck for me.... I can only hope!

(dinner photo from here)

new adventures

I've been on the computer for hours and hours the last few days, looking for jobs and applying for the few that seem like they could be decent options for me. The outlook, however, isn't looking so good. Oh well, I suppose. My boyfriend told me to stop stressing about it and take the day off from my job hunt and just enjoy my free time. I agreed, but I can't stop worrying about my finances.

Anyway, I started to think that maybe this bad luck I've been having with jobs is a sign that I need to sit down and think about what I really want from my life. What am I passionate about? I came to the conclusion that I would absolutely love to get involved with fashion photography. Wardrobe styling, assisting the photographer, whatever. I think I'd love working in that environment, regardless of what I'd be doing.

Have I been watching too much of "The Hills" recently? Maybe. I would be lying if I didn't say I spent a good portion of an afternoon watching the first season all over again. But seriously. I would kill to be Lauren or Whitney, helping with model castings and assisting on photo shoots. I wanna be doing that.

Oh, and please don't tell me mother. She'd kill me if she knew I wanted to pursue such a, uh, how should I say this, unrealistic career path. Don't get me wrong; I understand that starting off in this industry means getting paid a whole lotta nothing, so I plan to have another job to pay the bills. I haven't totally lost my mind. And who knows, maybe finding opportunities to get into this career are few and far between; maybe I won't be able to get my foot in the door at all. Oh well, I guess I'll at least be able to say I tried.

This weekend I plan to go over to my parent's house and use my little sister as a model. She's tall, skinny, and has really great hair so I think she'll make a good model. Then I will pick out her clothes, do her makeup, style her hair, and take some pictures of her. I think it will be a fun experience for the both of us, and then I will have something of a small portfolio to get me started.

So I guess we'll just have to wait and see if this dreamer's dreams come true...

(photo from here)

from the bottle to the tub

Last night was, ugh, to say the very least - tragic. I was fired for the first time ever, and my ex-boss chose to do it oh-so-eloquently over the phone. And then to top things off, she meant to send a text to her assistant manager about firing me... but sent it to me instead.

Feeling like a waste of flesh, I dried my eyes and headed straight to the liquor cabinet. It was unfair, really it was. My ex-boss somehow felt it was my fault that her 6-week old boutique was not raking in money. I had been employed less than two weeks; did she really expect me to make miracles happen? Booze me up, baby.

So this morning I was woken by the sound of my kitty getting into everything that could possibly make noise in the bedroom. Damn that cat. In my oversized tee and cotton pajama shorts, I plopped my butt down in front of the computer to find yet another new job. Seeing my extremely limited job options only increased my self-loathing and desperation. I applied for a half dozen jobs but didn't have much hope for any of them. What am I going to do?

I may not have a plan for the future, or even tomorrow, but I knew what I had to do right then. I showered. Whatever stench or bad luck or bad whatever that was covering me needed to go. So I let the scalding hot water rush over me and clean it all away. I can't keep beating myself up. I can be so worrisome and pesimistic. I need a clean start.

(photo from here)

more and more lost

What's wrong with my life these days? It feels like I get punched in the gut, only to get back up and fall right back down again. Right about the time I feel like I'm finally getting my life in order, something happens and everything comes crashing down. Right now, I'm at a low point and I don't know how to get back up.

Do you ever feel this way? This all makes me think of the Friends theme song: "It may not be your week, your month or your year..." Ugh. I'm exhausted from all the frustration.

(photo from here)

pass the crayons please

As I somewhat described in my previous blog, I'm having thoughts about my future. It's like I'm back in kindergarden and my teacher is asking me, "Olivia, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know what to say. (It may be interesting to note that I'm currently eating animal-shapes Easy Mac... maybe I belong back in kindergarden...)

When you're a kid, it's exciting to have infinite possibilities ahead of you. But now I'm 21 years old and feeling the crushing pressure to know right now what I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. And when it comes to the question of what I want to do when I grow up, I'm not much wiser now than I was during the age of nap times and coloring books. Pass the crayons?

I've considered tons of professions: advertising, teaching, business, graphic design, nursing, fashion design, art, creative writing, journalism, nutrition, clinical laboratory science, cosmetology... but how can I be so sure that what I like now, I'm still going to like when I'm 45?

Heck, am I even going to like it by the time I get out of school? That's another fear I have: that I'm going to decide on something (as I've done with advertising), but then I'll hate it once I get out into the real world and actually do it. That's the crappy thing about school; you learn about something, but you don't actually learn what it's really like, day to day. What if I get stuck in a cubicle and want to rip my hair out because I can't think of a good slogan for tampons?

I'll never know if I don't try, that's for certain. So let's imagine I graduate with my advertising degree and work at an agency somewhere for a year or two and can't stand it? Do I spend more money going back to school for another degree? My student loans are already going to be terrible; could I even handle more debt? Probably not.

See? This is when the days of nap time and color pages sound sooo entirely awesome. Because everything was simple then. Dreaming of what you wanted to be when you grew up was an adventure, not a jail sentence.

(picture from here)

dreams. unrealistic?

Soo... I've been dreaming a bit today. I've got my head in the clouds, and I'm not quite sure I'm thinking too realistically. Or realistically at all, for that matter. I don't know when it all began, but I made up this idea in my head that I'd love to get involved with fashion, whether it be writing for a fashion magazine, fashion design, or something else. However, once this idea popped into my head, I was too far along in my college career to change my major and transfer schools for a major that was, well, pretty unrealistic. Because, seriously, how many girls from rural Wisconsin do you know that are involved in fashion? Yeah, I'm guessing not many. Regardless, I pushed that dream to the back of my mind, and that's pretty much where it's stayed.

I looked at the FIDM website today. I printed off an application, and I looked into creating a portfolio. Am I nuts? I know I'm going to finish my advertising degree at UWM before I do anything else, so I suppose I'm not totally nuts. But is dream too lofty for me? Am I setting my hopes on something that I really won't ever actually go for? Hmm... oh well, a girl can dream, right? The realistic plan, for now, is to finish my degree, save some money for a couple of years, and then go chasing whatever dreams I may have, which (hopefully) won't require another degree (realistically...).

I've said "realistic" so much that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. Oh, boy.

(sketches from here)

popping bubbles

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." - Ralph Waldo Emerson