As I somewhat described in my previous blog, I'm having thoughts about my future. It's like I'm back in kindergarden and my teacher is asking me, "Olivia, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know what to say. (It may be interesting to note that I'm currently eating animal-shapes Easy Mac... maybe I belong back in kindergarden...)When you're a kid, it's exciting to have infinite possibilities ahead of you. But now I'm 21 years old and feeling the crushing pressure to know right now what I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. And when it comes to the question of what I want to do when I grow up, I'm not much wiser now than I was during the age of nap times and coloring books. Pass the crayons?
I've considered tons of professions: advertising, teaching, business, graphic design, nursing, fashion design, art, creative writing, journalism, nutrition, clinical laboratory science, cosmetology... but how can I be so sure that what I like now, I'm still going to like when I'm 45?
Heck, am I even going to like it by the time I get out of school? That's another fear I have: that I'm going to decide on something (as I've done with advertising), but then I'll hate it once I get out into the real world and actually do it. That's the crappy thing about school; you learn about something, but you don't actually learn what it's really like, day to day. What if I get stuck in a cubicle and want to rip my hair out because I can't think of a good slogan for tampons?
I'll never know if I don't try, that's for certain. So let's imagine I graduate with my advertising degree and work at an agency somewhere for a year or two and can't stand it? Do I spend more money going back to school for another degree? My student loans are already going to be terrible; could I even handle more debt? Probably not.
See? This is when the days of nap time and color pages sound sooo entirely awesome. Because everything was simple then. Dreaming of what you wanted to be when you grew up was an adventure, not a jail sentence.
2 comments:
you seem stressed.
that's for sure.
but how old are you??
21??
who told you that you have to decide right now what it is that you want to do?
if you're not certain - don't feel pressure.
this is life.
EVERYONE goes through this at some point.
may it be deciding a job, a spouse, where to live, etc.
EVERYONE experiences it.
you are not alone.
the best advice i can give you is to do what your heart tells you.
if you want to pack your bags up and move to sri lanka and learn how to carve beautiful boats ... do it.
do what YOU want.
and don't worry so much,
damn it.
Ah, but you see, I do need to decide right now.
When you go to college, they expect you to pick something that you wanna do for the rest of your life. Do I want a major in advertising? Do I wanna be a teacher and pursue education?
I'm a worrier. I want to do what my heart tells me, but I'm so busy worrying, I can't hear what its trying to tell me...
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