worry myself to death

I'm exhausted, both physically and mentally. The past 48 hours have been some of the most emotionally draining that I've ever experienced.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a worrier. I get stressed about everything and tend to maybe blow things out of proportion. This worry makes sleeping very difficult, and two sleepless nights makes for a very tired me. Yesterday, while I was driving home from work, I blasted the music in my car just to try and drown out my own thoughts. Perhaps I should try meditating...

Other things on my mind:

1) I'm extremely poor. Like, I dunno how I'm going to pay for books next week.

2) It is far too cold today to be August. Bah humbug.

3) The Farmers Market today was delightful! I got some hot peppers for the Boyfriend and some green beans, too.

4) I think I'm going to go see Post Grad with a friend tonight. Looks good! Here's the trailer:

(photo from here)

poptarts are banned from my shopping cart

My new employment requires me to wear tan pants... so today after my shower I dug to the bottom of my drawers to find all the tan pants I used to wear when I worked at Target.

Uh, less than half of them still fit me. Holy crap.

Reality check! My eating habits lately have been poor at best. Fast food, sugary snacks - I eat it all. I'm a skinny girl and always have been, but I feel like I've taken advantage of my remarkably fast metablism and abused my body. And now it's rebelling.

I've always been interested in nutrition. When I go to the store, I read labels and look for food color and high fructose corn syrup and partically hydrogenated oil and sucralose. Not that it really matters for what gets put in the cart though, seeing as I'm currently chowing down on a bowl of Chef Boyardee. Ugh, I'm ashamed of myself.

The Boyfriend is on the same page as me, but I'm sure his beer consumption is also playing a role here. We decided to try MGD 64 since it has less calories, but sadly discovered this meant it also had a lower alcohol content. Hey, you can't say we aren't trying to be proactive.

So starting, uh, tomorrow I'm going to start eating better. It's time to take control of my health and well-being!

Do you have any recipes or healthy snacks you'd like to share with me?

(cartoon by Natalie Dee, of course)

odd one out & awkward sunburn

I returned from my nice little vacation last night and before curling up in bed to watch one more episode of Gossip Girl, I checked my Facebook.

Perhaps you need a bit of back story here: After high school, I went away to a fabulous little school in Iowa and had the time of my life. I attended that school for 3 semesters before transferring for a variety of reasons. While I was there, I made some very good, close friends. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but we were solid friends. My leaving, however, changed that dramatically, and I haven't been having much luck staying in very close contact with them.

Last night, I found my news feed filled with status updates about their new apartments and pictures of how cool everything looked and of their first dinner living there together. This killed me.

We had always talked together about how cool our senior year would be when we finally moved into the campus apartments together. Now they are all there, living that dream together, and I'm here... without them.

This isn't me regretting my decision to transfer out. This isn't me saying I'd rather be there than here. I am saying that I miss them, and I'm sad I'm missing out. I am saying that I'm lonely without my close girl friends.

The Boyfriend stroked my hair as I cried my eyes out about this. I couldn't help but also feel envious of him and his BFF; even though his friend goes to school far away, they stay connected with an online video game that they play together and wear goofy headsets to talk to each other while they do so.

Moving on, my weekend was awesome. I got a ton of fresh air, ate lots of good food, rode the jet ski, and even tried to wakeboard. These water sports required me to wear a heater shirt so that I didn't freeze in the cool water. It covered my upper body and arms, so only the tops of my hands are awkwardly sunburned!

I did, however, realize on the 2 hour drive that my iPod is in serious need of being updated. The majority of the music I own is punk rock or other outdated late 90s crap. My music tastes have grown to like more coffee shop type music, like Meiko and Kate Nash.

Do you have any suggestions of artists I might like?

Plans for the Day: take photos of stuff for my upcoming etsy shop, do laundry, enjoy the beautiful day

Plans for Tomorrow: orientation at my new job

Personal Goal: learn how to make a female friend without feeling like I'm hitting on her

(picture from here)

I'm the luckiest SOB I know...

Seriously though. I must have done something to deserve some good karma or some god was smiling down at me.

I was pulled over tonight. For going 50mph in a 35. How I got away with just a warning is a complete miracle.

There's no way in hell I could have afforded to pay a ticket right now. Luckily, the Boyfriend and I snapped on our seatbelts before he saw. Yes, I know, I should wear one anyway, but it's a bad habit I'm having trouble breaking.

I'm driving two and a half hours for a weekend vacation up north tomorrow. I plan to drive the speed limit the whole way!

Have a good weekend, everyone... and drive slow!

(picture from here)

what happened to common courtesy?

Today was pretty much my last day at the salon, and boy am I glad that it was. Don't get me wrong, I love the majority of the women that I work with and the job is very simple with lots of perks, but the clients can be downright nasty sometimes.

One woman today came up to the front desk to pay. She was chatting on the phone (quite loudly) so I waited patiently for her to finish her call and began working at the computer. A few moments later, she decided it was perfectly acceptable to wave her freshly polished hand obnoxiously in front of my face to get my attention, and bark to me, "Take out my wallet!" while still on the phone.

Not long after that, a woman called to book an appointment. I placed her on hold while I checked out a client who was waiting. When I answered the call, she asked about getting an appointment next Saturday with a stylist who books up very quickly. First of all, she should have known better than to try and get something with such short notice. This particular stylist books up so quickly because she doesn't work very often and is only ever available one evening out of the whole week. That makes it really hard for us receptionists to keep her clients happy.

Of course, a line of people are waiting to check out as I attempt to find this woman an appointment:

"Are you available during the week at all?"

"Only evenings. What does she have Thursday?"

"Well, she only works til 5 that day. She has a 3:30 though."

"I said evenings!"

"Okay, well, her next evening or weekend isn't until September 5th. Would you like to wait til then?"

"Absolutely not! Well, sometimes I can come in during the day..."

"What day can I look at for you?"

"ANY! Tell me what she has!"

(I'm growing increasingly frustrated, and the waiting clients do not look happy. Miraculously, I find an appointment that somehow fits into her schedule...)

"Okay, could I have your last name please?"

"C-A-mumble mumble mumble."

"Could you spell that a bit more slowly for me?"

"C-A-mumble mumble mumble."

"I'm having trouble finding you. Have you been here before?"

"YES! C-A-mumble mumble mumble."

(She was talking so fast and mumbley that I couldn't tell if she was saying V or B or D or T...)

"Was that B as in Boy?"

"NO! I said T as in CAT! Meow, meow, MEOW!!!"

(Oh my god, did she seriously just meow at me?)

"Okay, I've got it now. Beth, correct?"

"Yes, OH-LIVE-EE-AH!"

(Seriously? Are we four years old? I quickly wrap things up and turn bright red as I apologize to the waiting clients for the delay.)

What has happened to good old common courtesy? I understand she was upset that she couldn't get in when she wanted, but to be so rude to me was uncalled for. That's part of the problem with working at a classy salon: some of the people who come in are rich bitches who don't care about anyone but themselves. Well, at least I have a new job to look forward to.

I've discovered that in the service industries and retail, customers don't always feel like it's their duty to remain polite. I don't understand how some people can have such disregard for the feelings of others "below" them. People whose job is to serve others deserve the most respect in my opinion since they have to put up with people all day long, probably not for the greatest pay. Getting used and abused isn't fun for anyone.

So here's my task for you, readers: Next time you are at the grocery store or out to eat or getting your nails done, please go out of your way to be extra nice to those who are serving you. A genuine "thank you" or "good job" goes a surprisingly long way.

(picture from here)

Dress LOVE

Sorry about the excessive postings today, but I saw this and had to show it to everyone!

These amazing vintage dresses can be found at the etsy shop TimelessVixenVintage:

^^^ I would LOVE to get married in this dress! ^^^

Aren't these terribly gorgeous? I want them all!

I want one!

I feel the urge to express my strong desire to adopt a little munchkin kitty. They have really short legs so they're kind of like dachshunds of the cat world. Some of them even have little ears that fold over. Adorable! Sadly, all the breeders in my area sell them for like $750 which is way above my budget. Regardless, I still think they are amazingly cute!



(picture from here)

a case of the blahs

I feel very uninteresting today.

After laying on the couch, staring off into space, I finally gave in to doing the dishes. So, actually, we can say that I feel very uninteresting and disgusting.

The pile of dishes has reached the point of total kitchen takeover. The Boyfriend and I hate, hate, hate doing dishes so we consistently put it off until the very last possible moment when someone finally gives in. Seeing as I've been unemployed, that person is usually me, searching for anything productive to do.

I'm embarassed to admit it, but there was a bit of mold growing at the bottom of the sink. Gross. I was then reminded of the time the dishes were so disgusting (I think someone had left milk in a cereal bowl) that I nearly vomited from the stench. I'm now thinking that this was probably too gross and humilating to post in a blog, but hey. This just shows you that I'm human. And hate doing dishes.

You think after these bad experiences we would have learned to take care of things right away. Apparently not.

Anyway, back to what I started saying. I don't know if the boredom brought this on, but I feel very uninteresting today. I feel like I'm not very special. I feel terribly ordinary. Ew, not ordinary!

What would I rather be like?

I think I'd enjoy being the type of person who...

~ has an iTunes library filled with artists

that not everyone has heard of

~ lives in a tall brick apartment building

with old metal fire escapes

~ owns a wide assortment of vintage

clothing and belongings

~ is passionate about the environment

and recycling and such

~ buys fresh vegetables and flowers on a regular basis

~ sits under a shade tree to read a good book

~ truly doesn't care what others think about them

~ watches tons of documentaries

~ is talented enough to make delicious

homemade meals all the time

~ knows what they are passionate about and

possesses a sense of adventure

~ drinks tea with jelly and toast in the morning

~ is thrifty and crafty and creative

~ inspires others to live their dreams

~ wakes up in the morning with a smile

on their face and a positive outlook

~ reads and writes poetry

~ carries a camera with them, wherever they go

~ lives life fully, each and every day

Oh, and owns a dishwasher! :)

(pictures from here and here)

The September Issue

This documentary about Anna Wintour looks fabulous! Talk about an amazingly influential woman...

This movie hits select theatres on September 11, and sadly I don't believe it will be showing at any of the theatres near me. Boo.

shooting for the moon

I want to write a book...

Ambition has never been an issue for me. I possess the mentality that if you don't dream big, you're selling yourself short. "Shoot for the moon; If you miss, you'll land among stars." I'm an ambitious girl, through and through.

The part I have a problem with is the follow-through. I have these big dreams about what I could be when I grow up, or about writing a book, or about sewing tons of stuff, or about moving somewhere adventurous, but I'm not so good at always making these kinds of things happen.

I'm going to try harder this time, at least when it comes to the book. I have some ideas, so now I just need to sit down and stay focused. Sounds simple, but it's not. Maybe I'll search out some motivational quotes to stick around my desk area to help me actually complete my task.

Do you have a particular motivational quote that gets you going?

An update about my quest of finding the right career for me: I'm also considering being an editor. I think it would be really exciting to work at a publishing company and search out new talent. I love to read, I love to write, and I'm a pretty good editor in my opinion. So why not give being an editor some thought, right? And a good thing about that is I'm already majoring in Journalism and Mass Communication, so with a few extra classes, I could be confident about this as a possible career choice.

I think I should start making a list of all the occupations I've considered having. I think it'd be pretty amusing. Anyway, time to take the kitty to the vet. I wish you all a very delightful day, and hopefully the weather is less gloomy wherever you are!

(picture from here)

the ghost of friendships past

I've known this for awhile, but I've been fighting acceptance. Ever since I left my college in Iowa, I haven't really had a best friend. And I don't want to sound all "middle school BFFs with matching BFF necklaces (you know, the broken heart ones that pieced together)", but I can't keep denying that there's something missing.

Please don't get me wrong, I love the Boyfriend to death and I tell him everything. But there's just something about a best girl friend that makes you spill your guts about whatever she already knows you're thinking about. I miss having that.

What kills me the most is I used to have friendships like this. Really intensely tight bonds.

My friend from my college in Iowa: we were freshman roomies and even though we couldn't have possibly been more opposite, we loved each other. She still had a childlike bond with Barbies and wore skirts practically every day. She had hatboxes filled with scrapbooking materials and loved to listen to Frank Sinatra. I, on the other hand, has big issues dealing with being a college girl and did a lot of the wrong things. But she stood by me though everything, even when she knew I was leaving her for a new school and a new guy. My fondest memory was taking our shoes off and running as fast as we could in our flowy skirts across the grassy quad. I miss that girl.

Eek, I feel like I'm talking about her as if she was dead. I haven't spoken with her in months. We still have a bond, I can tell you that, and I'm dying to go see her and our other friends at that little Iowa school soon. But things changed dramatically when I left, and it sucks. But it's like since I've moved away, I've fallen off the face of the earth. I haven't been able to make another good friend like her since.

Even in high school and I can name two girls from other schools who I absolutely adored.

The first was a fiery young woman with an attitude like none other. This girl seriously did not give a crap what others though of her, and she was successful because of that. She hooked me up with my very first love. We were so similar, it was frightening. She was there for me when my first love decided I was no longer good enough. She helped me deal with the worst heartbreak I've ever known. And then one day, after going on a date with a new guy, she decided to cheat on her boyfriend with my new fling and tried to keep it a secret. That didn't sit well with me, and I couldn't forgive her. Over a year later, we tried to patch things up and move on as friends, but it didn't work out.

After this friendship tragedy, I found a new friend, and we hit it off just fine. She also brought out my wild side, but we were always smart about our bad choices (well, as safe as bad choices can be). She was a year older than me, but her going very, very far away to college didn't hurt us much at all. We talked at least once a day for at least 20 minutes which made it feel like we were still living our lives side by side. Her life became very complicated when she became a mistress with a guy who didn't deserve her, especially not in those circumstances. She tried to understand, I know she did, but I got tired of trying to convince her of the right things. I stuck by her for an exhaustingly long time, but couldn't help her see straight. So I let her go, and she couldn't forgive me for that. We haven't spoken a single utterance to each other since.

If you can't see it for yourself, I have a devastating pattern in my life. I make these intensely tight friendships with these women and then things crash and burn. Regardless of their unfortunate endings, I still feel like these friendships have been important and have created lasting memories and lessons for me. And I miss that terribly.

I miss having a friend to cry to or laugh with. I miss bitching about PMS with someone who actually knows about it firsthand (sorry, boyfriend). I want a friend who calls me daily to just chat or get coffee or sit around doing nothing. I want that crazy bond where she knows what I'm thinking before I say anything. I'm not talking about the friend who, yeah, is there for you but doesn't call or want to hang out. I'm not talking about the once-in-a-while kind of friend. I want someone who's really there.

Do you have these kinds of friends or are really close girl friends something we women grow out of as we grow up?

(picture from here)

looking forward to the next chapter

I want to be in Los Angeles, or some other big city in California. I've always thought I was meant for something bigger than small-town Wisconsin, and I feel like that's more true than ever. It doesn't matter what I do for a living: advertising, fashion, nutrition... I'm going to have the best chances to make a decent life in a big city.

The Boyfriend said last night, totally out of the blue, "I want to move to LA." Now remember, he's the totally logical one so this surprised me quite a bit. I just stared at him with this look of awe plastered across my face. It was good to hear him say he wanted to be coastal because that's always been my dream, and although he's never disagreed with that idea, I don't think he had ever fully hopped on board.

Now he's got me dreaming about the fabulous lives we're going to lead when we move out there. And this has kind of brought about a new appreciation for the fact that we're going to move back in with my parents soon. If I haven't mentioned that before, my parents are re-doing their basement so it will be like a little apartment for us to live there and save money for "big kid" stuff like a wedding or a house or whatever. And, surprisingly, the Boyfriend is very much looking forward to it.

Anyway, what are your dreams for the future?

(picture from here)

too skinny jeans and peeing in a cup

Good news!

I finally found myself a job!

I got the job at a local electronics store which just so happens to be right across the parking lot from where the Boyfriend works. It's decent pay and they'll work around my school schedule which is a real blessing, lemme tell ya!

One obvious requirement was to take a drug test... at a hospital thats very, very far away. *Sigh* So I decided just to get it over with since I was out and about anyway. First stop, however, was my favorite store, Forever 21. I had to return a pair of jeans that I bought and didn't fit. I always buy the same size jeans when I go there, so I had purchased this pair without visiting the fitting room. I get home to put them on to go out and, holy shit, I was stuck.

You heard me: stuck. The jeans were so tight around my calf muscles that I thought I'd never get out. Now imagine me squirming on the floor trying to wriggle myself out of these outrageous skinnies. Oh yeah, it came to that. Well, in the process, I ripped the tag off. I go to the store, ready to make the exchange, and the store manager refused to return them. Not even my embarassing story could convince her.

I'm a hot-headed person sometimes. I will admit that. And something about this lady pissed me off. Don't get me wrong: I've worked retail before. I understand the policies and why they exist. But come on... I never wore them! So she gave me the district manager's number and while standing at the counter fuming, I called her until she picked up. She authorized the exchange, no problem. In your face, biatch.

Now off to my second destination. State Fair is currently going on which meant obscene traffic on my way to the drug test. When I got there, I quickly realized the mapquest address was wrong as I found myself at a dentist's office and a plastic surgery facility. Now, this hospital is huge... I'm talking about blocks and blocks worth of buildings. I parked in not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR parking lots/structures before I finally found the right place. To say the least I was irritated that my new employer hadn't given better directions.

Oh well, all that drama is behind me. The Boyfriend is taking me out for a celebratory dinner tonight so I better get ready!

Oh, and before I forget, That'd What Je Said also had an interview today (hope it went well!) and while reviewing possible interview questions to prepare, she came across this one: "What is your personal mission statement?" and it really got me thinking. I'm going to ponder that for awhile and will have my answer for you later.

What is your personal mission statement?

(pictures from here and here)

quickly catching up: jail and a million bucks

1. I learned from Glamour magazine today that if a woman earns $50,000 and wants to continue living the kind of life she leads after she retires, she would have to have ONE MILLION DOLLARS saved up to do that. Holy crap.

2. I did indeed sew. I almost smashed the stupid little purple sewing machine, but I did sew. It's a skirt, and it isn't terrible. Not good, but I think I did well considering I've never sewed before. And it has a zipper and pockets and everything (pockets, well, because I love, love, love skirts that are fully equipt with pockets). Next project: a tote bag.

3. Last night I had a dream that I had to go to jail, and so I slapped an ex boyfriend and was worried about being bored while doing my time. I looked up "jail" in my dream dictionary and it said loads of bad luck was ahead... are we freaking kidding me?!

4. Today, whilst reading my magazine and pondering the vast amount of junk food I've been consuming lately, I thought about how I once dreamed of being a nutritionist. And I thought, hey, maybe I should do that for a living! My logical side did kick in and said they don't make much money and it would probably be hard for me to find a job, especially not in a big city... but I still kinda like the idea. I even printed off the certificate requirements for the school I'm currently attending. Maybe this is a fleeting interest, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see...

5. Tomorrow I have a Second interview with a local electronics retailer (that I hear pays pretty well!). So wish me luck. I really am praying that I get a job here pretty soon because being broke is just not a good look on me. I tend to cry a lot and the Boyfriend doesn't like that so much. So yeah. Wish me luck, dudes and dudettes!

I'm not the domestic type...

After browsing etsy today, I was stunned (as usual) by the vast array of fabulous creations. And you know what insane thought came into my mind? I want to learn to sew.

If you know me at all, you know this is absolute crazy talk. I could hardly boil water a few years ago. I burn microwave popcorn right through the bag. I had to call my mommy to iron a pair of dress pants recently. I am not a domestic woman.

...But perhaps I will give it a whirl anyway!

Okay. Now back to business. I told my parents about my master plan of getting my fashion specialist certificate and then going back to finish my advertising degree. They didn't like that idea at all. For some reason they just don't get the fact that I need a break, and the fashion certificate could provide that. The Boyfriend somewhat agrees, saying that I'm already signed up for fall classes. Maybe I should consider the certificate for spring. Arg.

That boils down to the fact that I need to make some decisions really quickly if I'm still thinking of getting the certificate this fall. Hmm.

Oh, and one more thing: tonight the Boyfriend and I watched "The Soloist"... warning, this isn't the feel-good movie you think it is. Be prepared for some very real, hard stuff. Regardless, it's a very good movie. It'll make you appreciate things in a new light.

Tomorrow's Plans: Job interview, further investigation of this certificate thing, movie with the Boyfriend (we're thinking "Funny People")

First Sewing Project: a fun and flirty skirt - I've been really into those lately!

Current Craving: Twizzlers and Cherry Coke... gotta love the junk food!

(picture from here and here)

time to let it all out...

I need to get things off my chest. I want to talk about all this, but it's like my lips are sewn shut and if I don't say anything at all, I will never have to make any decisions.

I'm not good at making decisions. Not at all. But time keeps going on and I need to figure things out. I need to figure out what I want to do about my schooling. Yesterday I went over to my parent's house to do laundry and we talked about my education and what I want. School is so frustrating. Like, when I tell people that I'm majoring in advertising, they think I know something about marketing or business or graphic design. But I know none of that.

I'm majoring in Journalism & Mass Communication with an emphasis in Strategic Communication. What the hell does that even mean?!

I feel like this crap-education is going to lead me straight into grad school and that ain't happening. Maybe it's just because I'm tired of school, maybe not, but I think I'm losing interest in advertising. My heart is just not in it anymore.

So now what? Do I keep going so I have a bachelor's degree? My dad and the Boyfriend seem to think this is the answer. Although, the Boyfriend and I have yet to really talk about this. And my dad's philosophy seems to follow the lines of: "You may not love your job, you may just be able to tolerate it, but you make good money and use that to have fun with your life. Your job isn't about having fun."

Really? Do I have to live the kind of life where having a job can't be fun? Or am I still in a little kid mindset, thinking that I can be whatever I want and be happy forever? When you're a kid, your teachers get you to believe that when you grow up, its going to be this amazing adventure, like a fairy tale. But this isn't a fairy tale.

My mom surprised me by being very open minded. She asked me what the Boyfriend has to say about my confusion, and I told her that he said, "Well we both know its not my approval you're looking for." When my mom finally realized he meant her, she assured me in a surprisingly sweet way that it didn't matter what I chose to do.

We briefly discussed cosmetology school or an associates or certificate in fashion and retail from a tech school, but I can honestly tell you that I still have no idea what I want to do. I have no idea what is going to make me happy. I have no idea what is going to make all of this time and money I've spent on school worthwhile. What's the right answer? Can someone please just decide this for me?

(image from here)

amazing drinking game!

I have so, so, so much to blog about, but it will just have to wait until the morning. Until then, please entertain yourself with this adorable invention that I found here:

Spin the top, then drink a shot of your choice from whichever size lady you spun! Loooove this!

lame, I tell you, lame.

I feel guilty for being so poor.

And when I feel bad about something,

my first instinct is to shop.

Buy something to make me feel better.

But I can't. I'm broke.

The Boyfriend has to pay the rent.

And so I feel guilty for his burden.

But I have no job.

School is making finding a job hard.

So I'm stuck.

In a rut.

And I cry about my guilt,

and about my inability to buy,

and about my depressing state.

I bury myself deeper in this hole

of self-loathing and pity.

It's sad, really.

I don't know where I want my life to go.

Hell, I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

And this state of being

so confused, lost, and sad

is just killing me.

So now what?

Eat ramen, hate school,

desperately seek job.

Lame, ain't it?

Gross, again...

I also found this video on digg, and it's a Modest Mouse video directed by Heath Ledger. He didn't finish it before he died, so it was finished in his honor. It makes a very strong statement about his stance on illegal commercial whale hunts.

See for yourself, and prepare to be creeped out...

King Rat

(video found here)

Seriously? That's gah-ROSS!!!

I have to share this because it's seriously disturbing and disgusting.



Turns out, Brazil wants people to pee in the shower to conserve water by flushing one less time each day. Their claim is that if everyone does this every day, about 1,157 gallons of water will be saved each year in each household. This cartoon even shows Gandhi, Michael Jordan and Alfred Hitchcock peeing in the shower.

Sorry guys, but these cartoony yellow streams are not going to convince me to tinkle in the tub.

(icky video found here thanks to digg)

genius or idiot?

Please don't tell the Boyfriend that I've been staring at the computer screen for an insanely long amount of time today. Hey, I did the dishes. That was productive. Seriously though, if I don't get a job soon, I'm going to become some sort of lunatic. No good.

While staring into the glowy abyss of my computer screen, I had an interesting thought. And since I had nothing better to occupy my time, I pursued this interesting thought. What thought, you ask? This thought was of quitting my advertising degree and getting a certificate in fashion from a local tech school chain. Hmmm...

What did I discover? I could be a fashion specialist after one very intense semester of classes. Whoa. Cool, huh? Well, the only campus that offers the fashion specialist degree is, naturally, the farthest from where I live. I would have to go to this campus four days a week and attend a fifth class at the closest campus once a week. Sure, the 45 minute drive four days a week would seriously blow, but there is a chance I could ride the bus most of the way. I am not sure of this, however, because our transit system confuses the hell out of me.

Oh, and don't let me forget the fact that I'd have to also take 2 online classes. Yes, that brings us to a total of 7 classes worth 19 credits. That's definitely a lot, but its a challenge that I can't help but consider. Surprisingly, this class schedule is almost more appealing than my advertising one, since that schedule has me taking classes all afternoon, not leaving much time for a job. And we all know I need a job.

Was this a stroke of genius or a moment of boredom-driven insanity? Eh, I'm not so sure. Although its terribly tempting, I can't get the thought out of my head that I've gone to school for quite some time and built up a devastating amount of debt... can I really let that all go to waste over a certificate that might not be worth much of anything in the real world?

(cute kitty found here)

thinking thoughtful thoughts

So I've had an interesting day full of thoughtful thoughts:

1. Sometimes I feel like I'm over here and everyone else is over there, living their lives, while I sit alone and contemplate what on earth I want to do with my life. One of my friends went to New York and did paparazzi stuff and really lived it up for awhile. Now she's back to a small town life, but she's doing it the way she wants; she goes to rummage sales and thrift stores, has an etsy shop, and is just living a nice, calm life. Another friend of mine went to school for two years, became a respiratory therapist, works hard, owns her own Ford Escape and just bought a crotch rocket yesterday. She's making something of her life and has the goodies to show for it. I'm jealous of both those ladies.

2. I've mentioned before how inconsistent I feel about what I wanna be when I grow up, and it doesn't help that I recently learned that for an Advertising (or Journalism and Mass Communication) degree, getting a job is soon going to require a Masters. Sorry dudes, but let me make something perfectly clear: I will not go to grad school. So what does this mean for my life? Well, I sure as heck don't know. Part of me has been dissatisfied with my advertising career choice, but I've told myself to just stick with it since switching majors would just keep me in school longer. I should just get out with this degree and see how it goes. Well, apparently the place it'll probably go is back to school anyway. So why finish my undergrad if I refuse to get my Masters? Hmmm... that is exactly the question that's been plaguing me all day.

So I decided, just for the heck of it, to investigate some other options. At a nearby tech school, I could get an associates or a certificate of some kind in something cool like fashion marketing so that I could be a buyer when I grow up. That sounds like fun. Or I could go the medical route and get a degree in cardiovascular technology or anesthesia technology. Or I could learn about graphic design. Or even interior design. I could even get an Advanced Pastry Certificate... okay, that last one was a joke. But do you see what I mean? These things sound appealing and a lot less complicated than this advertising thing I've got going on.

Why don't I do it? Do you realize how long I've been in school and how much debt I've built up? I certainly can't waste all of that for just an Associates or a Certificate. And I can only imagine what my mother would have to say! It's all so frustrating. I hate having to try and figure these things out. These are really big decisions, and the more I change my mind, the more time and money I feel like I'm wasting. Ugh.

3. I really, really, really want a scooter. I think I would look totally awesome cruisin' around town on a little purple scooter. Don't you think I'd just have the greatest time? I do. Although the lack of a job and therefore lack of funds may prevent me from making such a purchase. Stupid jobless-ness is ruining my life. *Sigh*

4. I have two job interviews - one this week and one next week. One is for a cashier at a grocery store and the other is for a cashier at an electronics type store. So yeah, wish me luck, even though I know both of these jobs are going to pay less than I'd like. Oh well, I suppose. That's what happens when you're a poor college student... especially one who is pursuing a degree that doesn't offer paid internships.

(cartoon by natalie dee; very addicting comics.)