
I need to get things off my chest. I want to talk about all this, but it's like my lips are sewn shut and if I don't say anything at all, I will never have to make any decisions.
I'm not good at making decisions. Not at all. But time keeps going on and I need to figure things out. I need to figure out what I want to do about my schooling. Yesterday I went over to my parent's house to do laundry and we talked about my education and what I want. School is so frustrating. Like, when I tell people that I'm majoring in advertising, they think I know something about marketing or business or graphic design. But I know none of that.
I'm majoring in Journalism & Mass Communication with an emphasis in Strategic Communication. What the hell does that even mean?!
I feel like this crap-education is going to lead me straight into grad school and that ain't happening. Maybe it's just because I'm tired of school, maybe not, but I think I'm losing interest in advertising. My heart is just not in it anymore.
So now what? Do I keep going so I have a bachelor's degree? My dad and the Boyfriend seem to think this is the answer. Although, the Boyfriend and I have yet to really talk about this. And my dad's philosophy seems to follow the lines of: "You may not love your job, you may just be able to tolerate it, but you make good money and use that to have fun with your life. Your job isn't about having fun."
Really? Do I have to live the kind of life where having a job can't be fun? Or am I still in a little kid mindset, thinking that I can be whatever I want and be happy forever? When you're a kid, your teachers get you to believe that when you grow up, its going to be this amazing adventure, like a fairy tale. But this isn't a fairy tale.
My mom surprised me by being very open minded. She asked me what the Boyfriend has to say about my confusion, and I told her that he said, "Well we both know its not my approval you're looking for." When my mom finally realized he meant her, she assured me in a surprisingly sweet way that it didn't matter what I chose to do.
We briefly discussed cosmetology school or an associates or certificate in fashion and retail from a tech school, but I can honestly tell you that I still have no idea what I want to do. I have no idea what is going to make me happy. I have no idea what is going to make all of this time and money I've spent on school worthwhile. What's the right answer? Can someone please just decide this for me?
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