lame, I tell you, lame.

I feel guilty for being so poor.

And when I feel bad about something,

my first instinct is to shop.

Buy something to make me feel better.

But I can't. I'm broke.

The Boyfriend has to pay the rent.

And so I feel guilty for his burden.

But I have no job.

School is making finding a job hard.

So I'm stuck.

In a rut.

And I cry about my guilt,

and about my inability to buy,

and about my depressing state.

I bury myself deeper in this hole

of self-loathing and pity.

It's sad, really.

I don't know where I want my life to go.

Hell, I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

And this state of being

so confused, lost, and sad

is just killing me.

So now what?

Eat ramen, hate school,

desperately seek job.

Lame, ain't it?