crabbiness juxtaposed with bliss

I am exhausted. Tired of waiting, I called the first internship that I applied for and quickly found out that, no, I hadn't gotten that one either. I knew it, but I was still angry, and not just because they were jerks and failed to get back to me. I am angry because I am a smart girl and I am ambitious and dammit, I deserve a good internship. But no, I am too inexperienced for even an internship... how the hell am I going to find a job?

As I'm sure you know from reading my lame and mostly crabby blog, I tend to be in a bad mood. You can thank school and work and lack of funds and lack of time and lack of experience and whatever for my foul mood. I don't know what to do about it. Seriously, I am stressed and I can't help it; it's just the situation I am in. But apparently my bad mood isn't just affecting me, it's affecting the Boyfriend. And he's mad at me for being in a bad mood most of the time. I feel guilty for upsetting him, but at the same time, if I can't talk to him about it, who can I? So now I'm wondering what a normal amount of "bad mood" is and if I need to seek out some happy pills. Oh, brother. On top of all this, I am eating like crap and not working out and generally feeling yucky. Ugh.

So back to the internship crap... if I am too inexperienced for an internship (both of them chose interns with more experience in the field), how am I going to have enough experience for a job. I'm taking this really personally, as you can see, but I am upset. I wanted this so badly. Not only was it going to be a strong step into the right direction as far as my career is concerned, but it was going to help with my money problems. So now I'm thinking of back up plans just in case this strategic communication (a.k.a. advertising/public relations) doesn't work out. But I'm so cranky about everything, that nothing sounds like a better solution. Teaching? Nah, not enough money. Own my own business? Too risky. And it goes on and on like this, just as it always does.

Sorry for being cranky...

***On a brighter note, one of my friends from one of my high school jobs just got engaged! She has pictures of the ring on facebook and wrote all about the proposal:

She was asked by friends at her school to come to a project meeting, and then they kidnapped her and blindfolded her, throwing her into the backseat of a car. Her best friend was waiting in the car and took the 100+ mile drive with her back to her hometown. The ride was accompanied by four little envelopes with romantic notes inside that she could open along the way. When she reached her hometown destination, she opened the last note: "Meet me at our spot" which happened to be a big hill overlooking Lake Michigan, the same place she first told him she loved him. There he was waiting, neatly dressed and ready to give her a romantic speech before he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him.

Soooo adorable! I am so happy for her. :)