breaking blogging rules

I know this probably falls under the category of things you aren't supposed to blog about because it can come back to bite you, but I need to get this off my chest.

I have this professor who I absolutely can not stand. We're creating a campaign for a competition that has been organized by a group outside of the school. Sounds like a ton of work but a great learning experience, right? Well, sort of.

A ton of work? Oh, yes. Am I learning anything? No, unless you count learning how to be stressed out and angry all the time. She hasn't lectured us a single time, led us in the completely wrong direction for our project (which meant tons of backtracking and extra work), and misses class more than any of us! She's a hypocrite and never has anything nice to say.

Oh, and her misleading us almost meant a lot of money out of our own pockets. I'm a poor college kid, I need all the money I have. I don't need to be throwing it away for no good reason.

Yesterday's class was no better. I spent hours beforehand working with my classmates on a video. We come to class, and she bitches about everything. If she had come to class on Monday, she would have known all the work we've been doing. Then she starts to nit-pick our work to pieces.

"I'm just your tour guide. I'm not going to spoon-feed you." This is just code for "I will not be responsible for any of the major mistakes I've made. I will not lecture or teach you." How crap is that? What am I paying her to do?

When I get angry, I'm not the very best at hiding it. In class Wednesday, she was talking to another student and I was playing with the detailing on the bottom of my shirt. She instantly freaked out and yelled at me for texting. Quite offended, I said, "No, actually, I'm just playing with my shirt. Don't you think I know better, especially in a class of nine students?" She didn't like that.

Prior to this incident, I had been speaking up about my differing opinion about how we had created some of our ads. She wanted to cut something that I thought was quite important. Eventually, we came to a compromise, but not before she said, "Olivia, you can argue with me all day if you want, but this is how it's going to be!"

I'm paying for this education and dammit, I want it to be a good one.

She sent me a very short email yesterday asking to meet with me, no excuses. I guess this has happened with another student in the class, and he told me that she's going to pull me into her office and one by one, tell me every little thing she thinks I'm doing wrong.

I'm going to have to take some Zanax or something before the meeting because I'm worried that all the stuff I've said now will come out. I know better than to ruin my grade over behaving badly, but I just want to scream in her face and tell her that I think she's an awful professor.

Any tips for how to hold it together in a stressful and angering situation???

when did we get this way?

The weather has been getting quite a bit chilly lately! Last night, the Boyfriend and I went to my little sister's Homecoming Powderpuff game and bonfire. Thank goodness for the huge bonfire, because I think I would have froze to death! I'm in denial, however, that its time to bust out the mittens just quite yet (although I do have a love affair with cozy mittens) so when I saw this dress, I knew it was the perfect thing for the summer-to-fall transition: it's edgy but fabulous!

(dress from Glamour.com)

Warning: I am about to vent a whole lot, so brace yourself.

1. Two nights ago, the BF and one of our mutual friends thought it would be a good idea to get me wasted since I don't really drink much these days. A bottle and a half of wine later, we suddenly somehow find ourselves discussing a recent argument between me and the BF. Our friend willingly played the role of the therapist as we re-argued everything. I ended up crying and smoking a cigarette outside with our friend as the BF sat inside and stewed angrily. I finished the second bottle of wine and followed it up with three shots of vodka before tucking myself into bed. We woke up the next morning and pretended like nothing happened.

When the hell did we become so dysfunctional?

2. The BF applied for a promotion at work recently, and we've been crossing our fingers that he'd get it. It'd be great for his career and we could really use the extra money these days. Except for seniority, we really thought he would be perfect for the position. He got a letter of denial today.

3. I have an appointment for a tattoo in a few days. It's with an amazing artist who I worked with before, and therefore I know that he will be very upset if I cancel last minute. The problem is, I don't know what I really want to get, and I really can't afford it either. Now what?

4. School is taking over my life. Well, one class in particular. We're doing that competition for GM and I swear, it's consuming me. Checking my Facebook isn't even fun anymore since my message inbox is filled with messages about this stupid class.

5. I am so irresponsible. I have to do volunteer work for one of my other classes, and I planned to meet with a teacher at an elementary school today to discuss what I'll be working on. Guess who forgot? Yup, me. Way to make a good first impression, right? I suck.

So there you have it. I'm cranky. Someone wanna buy that dress for me to make me feel better? :)

crabbiness juxtaposed with bliss

I am exhausted. Tired of waiting, I called the first internship that I applied for and quickly found out that, no, I hadn't gotten that one either. I knew it, but I was still angry, and not just because they were jerks and failed to get back to me. I am angry because I am a smart girl and I am ambitious and dammit, I deserve a good internship. But no, I am too inexperienced for even an internship... how the hell am I going to find a job?

As I'm sure you know from reading my lame and mostly crabby blog, I tend to be in a bad mood. You can thank school and work and lack of funds and lack of time and lack of experience and whatever for my foul mood. I don't know what to do about it. Seriously, I am stressed and I can't help it; it's just the situation I am in. But apparently my bad mood isn't just affecting me, it's affecting the Boyfriend. And he's mad at me for being in a bad mood most of the time. I feel guilty for upsetting him, but at the same time, if I can't talk to him about it, who can I? So now I'm wondering what a normal amount of "bad mood" is and if I need to seek out some happy pills. Oh, brother. On top of all this, I am eating like crap and not working out and generally feeling yucky. Ugh.

So back to the internship crap... if I am too inexperienced for an internship (both of them chose interns with more experience in the field), how am I going to have enough experience for a job. I'm taking this really personally, as you can see, but I am upset. I wanted this so badly. Not only was it going to be a strong step into the right direction as far as my career is concerned, but it was going to help with my money problems. So now I'm thinking of back up plans just in case this strategic communication (a.k.a. advertising/public relations) doesn't work out. But I'm so cranky about everything, that nothing sounds like a better solution. Teaching? Nah, not enough money. Own my own business? Too risky. And it goes on and on like this, just as it always does.

Sorry for being cranky...

***On a brighter note, one of my friends from one of my high school jobs just got engaged! She has pictures of the ring on facebook and wrote all about the proposal:

She was asked by friends at her school to come to a project meeting, and then they kidnapped her and blindfolded her, throwing her into the backseat of a car. Her best friend was waiting in the car and took the 100+ mile drive with her back to her hometown. The ride was accompanied by four little envelopes with romantic notes inside that she could open along the way. When she reached her hometown destination, she opened the last note: "Meet me at our spot" which happened to be a big hill overlooking Lake Michigan, the same place she first told him she loved him. There he was waiting, neatly dressed and ready to give her a romantic speech before he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him.

Soooo adorable! I am so happy for her. :)

do I really have to go?

Sadly, I have to return to the real world today. Summer fun, goodbye. Books and lectures and homework, hello. On the upside, I only have one class today so I get to ease back into things at least. I'm also considering dropping one class which would probably help. Oh, and all my classes this semester are in buildings I've never been in before, so I'm going to look really awesome today carrying around a map!

The Boyfriend brought me home a nice surpise yesterday: molasses cookies! Seriously though, I used to get molasses cookies all the time from Hy-Vee when I was living in Iowa. When I moved back here, I sadly discovered that none of our grocery stores carry them! So last time I was visiting friends in Iowa, I made sure to stock up. Imagine my surprise when the Boyfriend handed me a huge box of fresh-baked molasses cookies that he brought home from Costco. Yum!!!

Early this morning, I was rudely awoke by the shockingly loud sound of the lawn service right outside my window. At what time, you ask? 6AM. And let me tell you, I am not a morning person. I was thoroughly peeved by this. And to make things better, it scared the hell out of my kitties who dodged into the bedroom, causing the door to swing open and the bright sunlight of early morning to come rushing in. Grr....

Currently Dreading: the commute to campus and having to rush to work afterwards.

Currently Sipping On: a mini Naked juice; I feel so healthy when I drink them, and I'm hoping all the natural fruits and veggies will boost my mood.

Currently Feeling: in denial that the semester really is starting today, whether I want it to or not.

(photo of a 1950's UW-River Falls student found here)