too skinny jeans and peeing in a cup

Good news!

I finally found myself a job!

I got the job at a local electronics store which just so happens to be right across the parking lot from where the Boyfriend works. It's decent pay and they'll work around my school schedule which is a real blessing, lemme tell ya!

One obvious requirement was to take a drug test... at a hospital thats very, very far away. *Sigh* So I decided just to get it over with since I was out and about anyway. First stop, however, was my favorite store, Forever 21. I had to return a pair of jeans that I bought and didn't fit. I always buy the same size jeans when I go there, so I had purchased this pair without visiting the fitting room. I get home to put them on to go out and, holy shit, I was stuck.

You heard me: stuck. The jeans were so tight around my calf muscles that I thought I'd never get out. Now imagine me squirming on the floor trying to wriggle myself out of these outrageous skinnies. Oh yeah, it came to that. Well, in the process, I ripped the tag off. I go to the store, ready to make the exchange, and the store manager refused to return them. Not even my embarassing story could convince her.

I'm a hot-headed person sometimes. I will admit that. And something about this lady pissed me off. Don't get me wrong: I've worked retail before. I understand the policies and why they exist. But come on... I never wore them! So she gave me the district manager's number and while standing at the counter fuming, I called her until she picked up. She authorized the exchange, no problem. In your face, biatch.

Now off to my second destination. State Fair is currently going on which meant obscene traffic on my way to the drug test. When I got there, I quickly realized the mapquest address was wrong as I found myself at a dentist's office and a plastic surgery facility. Now, this hospital is huge... I'm talking about blocks and blocks worth of buildings. I parked in not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR parking lots/structures before I finally found the right place. To say the least I was irritated that my new employer hadn't given better directions.

Oh well, all that drama is behind me. The Boyfriend is taking me out for a celebratory dinner tonight so I better get ready!

Oh, and before I forget, That'd What Je Said also had an interview today (hope it went well!) and while reviewing possible interview questions to prepare, she came across this one: "What is your personal mission statement?" and it really got me thinking. I'm going to ponder that for awhile and will have my answer for you later.

What is your personal mission statement?

(pictures from here and here)

Things I Gotta Do Today

Doesn't this to-do list make you giggle? It's frighteningly close to reality to me, but still humorous! Anyway, I have a bunch of things I should be getting done today...

1. Get the boyfriend a b-day card and buy the rest of his present. This should be an easy one, but I'm broke and I spend an insane amount of time in the card aisle looking for just the right card. His birthday is on Monday and I've very excited for him to finally be the big 21. :)

2. Re-learn math. I have a placement test to take for school so that I can someday graduate, and I'm actually pretty scared about the math one. English, no biggie. Math on the other hand... well, let's just say I haven't taken a math class in FIVE years. Oh yeah. So when I was at Barnes and Noble the other day I bought CliffNotes for Algebra 1 and Basic Math & Pre-Algebra. Sadly, I do need them both.

3. Find a JOB. I almost want to cross that off and just give up, but unfortunately my money tree is not growing very well. I need a job, like, yesterday. The funds are dwindling very quickly and I need to stop depending on my boyfriend. Not because he isn't being helpful, but because I feel sooo guilty for being a couch potato. Job prospects at the moment: barista and foot model. Hmm...

So it's actually a very short list, but not a terribly fun one. Oh well. I wish I was outside - it looks gorgeous! Maybe I'll take my math books and study outside... now that sounds more like it!

(funny to-do list found here)

a day in her shoes

Can I be this girl? Please?

I wanna be cute and ride a bike with a basket around a big bustling city. And are those flowers in her basket? I want those, too. I want to be happy and carefree and friendly.

But right now, I'm stressed, broke, and cranky. I'm being mean to my boyfriend for no good reason. I'm tired all the time, and I'm so sick of looking for jobs online and finding nothing. I'm also tired of being scammed by "employers" who try to make me get a credit check or take a personality test which is nothing more than stupid pay-per-click ads or make me fill out applications which are nothing more than a way for them to steal my info. Ugh.

And since my fall class schedule recently changed to be majorly sucky, my job options are even more limited than before. I need a job, like, yesterday. I need money so my boyfriend doesn't feel obligated to work overtime since, uh, I can't really afford to help very much with rent. Or groceries. Or anything.

All I want to do is go out and get some coffee and shop til I drop! I'm very frustrated, as I'm sure you can tell. Sadly, the dishes aren't going to do themselves, so I'm just going to have to dream on about being the adorable girl in the picture.

Doesn't that look like fun though? Biking around a big city in the sunshine? :)

(picture of adorable girl found here)

from the bottle to the tub

Last night was, ugh, to say the very least - tragic. I was fired for the first time ever, and my ex-boss chose to do it oh-so-eloquently over the phone. And then to top things off, she meant to send a text to her assistant manager about firing me... but sent it to me instead.

Feeling like a waste of flesh, I dried my eyes and headed straight to the liquor cabinet. It was unfair, really it was. My ex-boss somehow felt it was my fault that her 6-week old boutique was not raking in money. I had been employed less than two weeks; did she really expect me to make miracles happen? Booze me up, baby.

So this morning I was woken by the sound of my kitty getting into everything that could possibly make noise in the bedroom. Damn that cat. In my oversized tee and cotton pajama shorts, I plopped my butt down in front of the computer to find yet another new job. Seeing my extremely limited job options only increased my self-loathing and desperation. I applied for a half dozen jobs but didn't have much hope for any of them. What am I going to do?

I may not have a plan for the future, or even tomorrow, but I knew what I had to do right then. I showered. Whatever stench or bad luck or bad whatever that was covering me needed to go. So I let the scalding hot water rush over me and clean it all away. I can't keep beating myself up. I can be so worrisome and pesimistic. I need a clean start.

(photo from here)

pass the crayons please

As I somewhat described in my previous blog, I'm having thoughts about my future. It's like I'm back in kindergarden and my teacher is asking me, "Olivia, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know what to say. (It may be interesting to note that I'm currently eating animal-shapes Easy Mac... maybe I belong back in kindergarden...)

When you're a kid, it's exciting to have infinite possibilities ahead of you. But now I'm 21 years old and feeling the crushing pressure to know right now what I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. And when it comes to the question of what I want to do when I grow up, I'm not much wiser now than I was during the age of nap times and coloring books. Pass the crayons?

I've considered tons of professions: advertising, teaching, business, graphic design, nursing, fashion design, art, creative writing, journalism, nutrition, clinical laboratory science, cosmetology... but how can I be so sure that what I like now, I'm still going to like when I'm 45?

Heck, am I even going to like it by the time I get out of school? That's another fear I have: that I'm going to decide on something (as I've done with advertising), but then I'll hate it once I get out into the real world and actually do it. That's the crappy thing about school; you learn about something, but you don't actually learn what it's really like, day to day. What if I get stuck in a cubicle and want to rip my hair out because I can't think of a good slogan for tampons?

I'll never know if I don't try, that's for certain. So let's imagine I graduate with my advertising degree and work at an agency somewhere for a year or two and can't stand it? Do I spend more money going back to school for another degree? My student loans are already going to be terrible; could I even handle more debt? Probably not.

See? This is when the days of nap time and color pages sound sooo entirely awesome. Because everything was simple then. Dreaming of what you wanted to be when you grew up was an adventure, not a jail sentence.

(picture from here)

refusing to be unappreciated

I have had enough. Enough of the unappreciation, enough of the politics, enough of the unnecessary cruelness. I quit my job.

In a matter of moments my managers are going to receive a typed letter explaining why I will not be coming in to work today. They will read exactly why I feel frustrated and unhappy. Does this letter fully express my anger? No; I needed to remain professional, and typing: SHE'S SUCH A BITCH!!! didn't seem appropriate.

Not all jobs are fun. I've washed dishes, worked in more than one food court, and been alone in a frightening and dangerous hotel full of crack heads and prostitutes. This job wasn't very fun either, but a particular manager had it out for me, and after I had politely expressed a few opinions about the morale in the food court, I knew my time was coming to a close. It was clear she wasn't going to let me make it past my probationary period, so I decided to quit rather than be fired.

It kills me to think about how close I've just come to being fired, and I feel awful about leaving a job without any notice. But I did what I had to do, and I just need to keep telling myself that this was not my fault. Certain circumstances here are completely out of my control. I am still a good employee with a great work ethic.

I've been working one day a week at the salon I used to be full-time at, and so I will be working there today. I am not hopeless; I will find a new job. Now its time to start really crossing my fingers that I get the internship downtown. And, hey, being out of a job for a little while won't be that bad... I'll be able to catch up on laundry and cleaning and things.

(picture here)