yes, no, maybe so...

I've been on a rollercoaster ride the past few days, so let's take a moment to see what I mean...

Monday: Senior seminar class goes around the classroom introducing ourselves and saying what we plan to do after graduation. Concensus: no one has a friggin' clue what they will do, if they will be able to get a job, or even if they like their major anymore. People with internships admit to seeing a side of their career they didn't really think about before and now it's tainted. This leads me recognize that, yes, finding a job is going to be a bitch. Professor then talks about his journey to discovering he wanted to be an environmental writer. I start thinking that maybe I should go back to school for nutrition and do something with that and writing or advertising. Hmmm...

Tuesday: Wake up at 6am to get ready for the internship. It snowed and of course traffic was all jacked up so I was in the car for nearly an hour and a half to get to work. Work on a few projects left over from last week and finish them way before my "hand off" with my supervisor. Turn on my radio to help distract me so that my projects take me longer. Later in the day need to go out of my way to ask for more work so that I don't lose my mind. While dealing with my boredom, realize that the working world is totally not what I thought it'd be and can't imagine doing this five days a week. Freak out and start texting a friend about how I seriously don't want to graduate and get a job if it means I have to do this day in and day out.

Wednesday: Notice my shrinking bank account and freak out. Big time. So much for being able to afford the new laptop that I desperately need. Shit. Start adding in my head how much I'm spending in gas to get to my (unpaid) internship and school, then figure how much I will make by only working two days a week at my other job. Realize that the money I make will barely cover my gas. Freak out more. Start filling out an application for Wal-Mart and start thinking that I really need to graduate - and soon - so that I can start making real money. Exactly opposite from what I was hoping for on Tuesday. Jeez.

Yeah, I don't really know what to think about that either.

who knew pencils were so exciting?

I survived my first day as an intern, everyone! I didn't make a fool of myself, get lost, or screw anything up. So basically, it was a success! I have my very own desk in a row of cubicles, my very own computer, and my very own legal pads. Oddly enough, I am missing a garbage can, but I plan to steal one soon.

Anyway, I opened my desk draw yesterday in hopes of finding a working pen, and holy plethora of office supplies! Pens and rubber bands and paper clips galore! It was at this moment of seeing a seemingly infinite supply of office goodies that I knew I was an intern.

I've already purchased a potential graduation dress and may have even started a small post-graduation job search. What can I say, I'm ready for this semester to be over already. I'm having a hard time adjusting to waking up early and I'm already bored with my classes. Oh well, I'll be regret saying that as soon as my homework starts piling up.

not wanting what I want, or something like that

My internship starts Tuesday. Uh, less than a week from now. And on Monday, I start my last semester of college. Very, very excited about the last semester of college. It feels so good.

I've been totally looking forward to growing up. Finally being done with college and moving on with my life. Having structure. Working 9-5. Wearing business clothes. Spending my day in a cubicle.

And it's all hitting me right now that I'm going to be waking up at the butt-crack of dawn every day. And wearing painful (yet cute) heels. And being an unpaid intern, then searching for my big kid job. And this life means no more Tune-In Tuesdays (new movies release on Tuesdays so my BF or his friends will buy one and we watch it together after the BF gets done with work at 10pm). No more going out on Sunday nights. No more staying up til 2am having a How I Met Your Mother marathon of sorts.

Because after this semester, it's the real world, baby. No going back.

It's funny, because I was absolutely dying for the day to come when I'd be a real adult, and now I'm thinking, "Holy shit, my days of being a silly young adult are over really fast." Ugh, I'm probably just nervous and stressed, but it amazes me how I wanted something so badly, and now that it's staring me in the face, I'm freaking out. Jeez, what's my deal?

Time to take a deep breath. Learning to wake up early is going to suck. I'm sooo not a morning person. Hello, giant cup of coffee. And secretly, I'm really excited to wear dress clothes twice a week. So there will be no more Tuesday movie night and no more going out Sunday night. But this is me moving on with my life, and I should be really proud of myself for having gotten this internship and for wanting to be successful.

So yeah. Prepare yourself for upcoming blogs about my addiction to coffee and anger towards sexy yet uncomfortable heels. :)

(photo from here)

snippets of my life at this moment:

* GOT AN INTERNSHIP! Will be copywriting (unpaid, sad) for a big company in the Milwaukee area. Going to learn a lot and have tons of goodies for my portfolio when I am done!

* Splurged on a whole bunch of work clothes as a reward.

* Should not have splurged since my hours at my paid job will be decreasing soon. Eh, whatever!

* Going out for drinks with my boyfriend's sister tomorrow to celebrate my internship and a new job for her! Go us!

* Boyfriend mentioned wanting a gym membership and that he would like to start eating more vegetables. Nearly fell over with shock. Or happiness, can't decide.

* Worried I might be getting mildly addicted to RedBull again. Early mornings suck.

* And it gets worse: the other morning I had a RedBull and McDonalds egg McMuffin for breakfast. That definitely does not qualify as a balanced breakfast...

* A friend from Iowa will be visiting the area next weekend and I miraculously have off of work. So. Freakin'. Excited!

* My living space is a disaster. Time to crawl out from under my heated blanket and get crap done. Erg.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

crackberries and stupid sisters

So much to catch up on!

1. I have a Blackberry now! Although I probably should call it my Crackberry. Seriously. After much drama and arguing with my family as to whether we wanted to renew our contract, we did and I ended up with a fancy new phone. I am so addicted. I swear, I'm checking it every five seconds. It's totally my new thing, and I'm very proud to be a part of the Blackberry club.

2. My 17-year-old sister is driving me insane. I remember what it was like to be 17. I wasn't very well behaved. Ask The Boyfriend - he was even worse than I was! But it kills me to hear her tell stories about being drunk or to tell me what she's done with her little boyfriend lately. Seriously, I don't want to know. I don't want to know not only because it bug me, but I also don't want to be responsible when she does something really stupid like drives drunk.

I thought things were finally out of my hands when she came home the other night with beer on her breath. We always have to say goodnight to mom when we come home late for this exact purpose. She tried to cover for herself though, and said it was just the smell of it - she wasn't drinking, it was other people. This didn't fly for long, however, as she got in an argument with my mom about it the very next night. She refused to talk to my mom and demanded to talk with my father.

My father is an understanding man. He doesn't tend to overreact and he remembers what it was like to be young and dumb. However, I don't think he realized that what he told her wasn't interpreted quite the right way. See, he told her he knew there wasn't much he could do to stop her. She should be safe, however, and let him know where she's staying.

That'd be fine if he was telling a 20 year old that. Someone in college, more mature, responsible. But we're talking about my stupid, stuck up, immature 17-year-old sister. She interprets this as, "My dad says I can drink." No good, Dad. Know your audience! I haven't found the right moment to tell him this, but I plan to call him out on it. Sure, he's right to say she shouldn't drink and drive, but this wasn't his best parenting moment in my opinion.

3. Remember that big Campaigns project I was telling you all about? We got the books printed! They look like fancy magazines, filled with work produced with my blood, sweat and tears - and damn, it feels good! We didn't win the competition, but that doesn't really matter to me. I'm happy that now I have something awesome and tangible to show potential employers.

Speaking of potential employers, the internship hunt isn't going so well. Please cross your fingers that I can find something for the spring or I am kinda screwed. So yeah. Cross them fingers, people!

(crackberry found here)

what's done is done

It's raining today, very heavily in fact. And who couldn't find an umbrella before she left? Me. And who didn't think to wear a clothing item with a hood? Me.

I tried to look cute today since I've decided there's a direct correlation between how I look and how I feel. Gladiator sandals, leggings, and a little long-sleeved dress. Not a bad look, really, but the weather is making me sad, cold, and wet. No good, my friends.

I arrived on campus early today after getting lunch with my mom. I headed straight for the library and was grateful that the rain was letting up. I checked me e-mail, and there it was:

An e-letter from one of the internships I applied for. The one I really, really wanted. The one that was going to pay really well and be damn good experience. I opened the file and read through the very short letter.

I didn't get it.

Ugh, I could just curl up in a ball and die. I am very upset that I wasn't chosen, and I'm also a little angry that they didn't have the decency to call me and tell me themselves. Whatever, I guess. What's done is done.

So there you have it:

Crappy weather.

Crappy day.

(photo from here)

no good, no good

I've had some pretty ridiculous luck these days. Particularly with jobs. We all know how my last job ended: me getting yelled at irrationally and then doing a whole lot of crying and writing some very honest letters to people with power. No good, no good. Then I had the interview from hell where hardly anyone was wearing shoes. And someone was wearing sweatpants. That was also no good. Then the internship that I was pining over finally, after dragging me along for well over a month, finally decided to tell me that couldn't pay me, but could consider it in the fal. No good, either.

So now I have accepted a job at a boutique as a salesperson and marketer (as was mentioned in the interview). Cool, huh? Granted, its not agency experience, but I love clothes so it seemed like a decent fit. Today was my first day and the day went okay, but I came home feeling like a dark cloud was looming over me. Then I read an email my boss sent everyone, with a July schedule attached: Please welcome Olivia as a full time employee at the mall location and (insert name here) who will be part time and help with marketing and public relations. If you read that like I did, you see that she didn't associate my name with the whole marketing thing.

What is going on here? Seriously, this is insane. So now a job that I thought would maybe give me a small amount of experience is looking like any other job. Ugh. I am so exhausted by all of this run-around. I just want a nice job at a nice agency where I can work hard and learn a lot... I didn't know that would be too much to ask for.

(cute pic from here)