thinking ahead

I've been spending an awful lot of time in my own head these past few days. It's a dangerous thing, really. Thinking too much about too much leads to overload and breakdown. No breakdown yet though, but overload for sure.

I haven't spent this much time thinking silently since I left my college in Iowa. Yeeks.

See, the thing is, I see how my life is right now, and I feel okay about it. It's not perfect, but I'd never expect it to be. But thinking about now leads to thinking about the future and I get caught up in the "what if?" game. And that game is no fun.

I want to live happily ever after, even though I know that's unrealistic. Many peoples' lives never turn out the way they thought they would. But I want to be sure that I don't find myself twenty years from now grumpy and wishing I had done things differently.

Where's that crystal ball when I need it?

Sure, I don't want to know exactly how my life turns out, but I want to be sure that I won't regret the decisions I'm making now, later.

I want to be happy.

If that means I have to draw some lines and admit some hard-to-admit things, then that's what I think needs to happen. I can't be in denial about my life. I need to be honest with myself and say, "This is the way I want things to be to ensure that I am happy in the future."

Here's what I want:

1. House.

2. Successful career.

3. Happy, healthy husband.

4. Stability.

5. Love.

And you know what? I'm going to have those things, no matter what.

much needed change of heart

I'm currently in such a good mood that I absolutely must blog about it!

So I went thrifting and rummaging with a good old friend today and got the most amazing stuff. I found two awesome necklaces; one is a bunch of tiny light colored shells together on a long strand and the other sadly had a broken chain but the pendant was this awesome silver and teal concoction. Beautiful I tell you. Perhaps I will take pictures of all my goodies to share later. Oh, and I also bought this really sweet vase thats like octogon-shaped and it's blue with cherry blossoms on it. Now I have to buy some flowers to go inside! I also found this great tunic of brown and orange for only $5! What a steal! So all this thrifting really got the blood runnin' in my veins. :)

The friend that I went on this adventure with is just a doll. We always have really great conversations that make me really think about life and such. Good chats, I tell you. Today we were talking about my employment issues and she mentioned that everything happens for a reason. At first I was like, "Sure, sure, whatever." But she's right. Not only am I learning to be patient and not stress and worry about things that aren't in my control, but I also am learning that, sure, I'm a good person and I'm smart and a hard worker, but that doesn't guarantee me a damn thing. Now this may seem like common knowledge to normal people, but this is something that I really needed to discover (apparently the hard way). So there: this whole job bullshit is good for me. Now who thought I'd ever say that?

Plans for the evening:

*Maybe going out to see The Ugly Truth with a friend

*Making an awesome summer dinner of burgers and corn on the cob!

*Oh yeah, and that cleaning I haven't gotten to yet...

Plan for tomorrow:

*The County Fair with the Boyfriend... yay! :)

could that be a smile, perhaps?

So after sleeping in and stumbling around the apartment in nothing but my undies and one of the Boyfriend's big t-shirts, I sat down at the computer to go over my emails and browse blogs, as has been my usual morning routine.

And you know what I discovered (without the help of my no-good advisor)? I am done taking science classes! WOO HOO! It's not that I don't like science, I am kind of a nerd, but I am sooo sick and tired of the massive amounts of general education requirements I've been forced to take. So... YIPPEE!

In my excited mood, I then perused some blogs and stumbled across rockstar diaries and I thought it was delightful! First of all, I couldn't help but steal this quote from her:

Isn't that just fabulous? Also, she has this little happiness project going on where people write to her with the things that make them terribly happy. So since I'm feeling all bright and cheery today, I decided to do the same:

1. Freshly cut grass

2. Tiny dogs dressed up in tiny outfits

3. Kissies and snuggin'

4. Old people who sit in their garages and watch the traffic go by

5. Popsicles!

6. Making popcorn chicken and then rampaging the cupboards to find anything and everything we could possibly dip them in

7. Baby animals

8. Fresh flowers

9. Hearing songs on the radio that I haven't heard in forEVER (like "Extra Ordinary" by Better Than Ezra)

10. Thunderstorms

(doggie pic from here)