not wanting what I want, or something like that

My internship starts Tuesday. Uh, less than a week from now. And on Monday, I start my last semester of college. Very, very excited about the last semester of college. It feels so good.

I've been totally looking forward to growing up. Finally being done with college and moving on with my life. Having structure. Working 9-5. Wearing business clothes. Spending my day in a cubicle.

And it's all hitting me right now that I'm going to be waking up at the butt-crack of dawn every day. And wearing painful (yet cute) heels. And being an unpaid intern, then searching for my big kid job. And this life means no more Tune-In Tuesdays (new movies release on Tuesdays so my BF or his friends will buy one and we watch it together after the BF gets done with work at 10pm). No more going out on Sunday nights. No more staying up til 2am having a How I Met Your Mother marathon of sorts.

Because after this semester, it's the real world, baby. No going back.

It's funny, because I was absolutely dying for the day to come when I'd be a real adult, and now I'm thinking, "Holy shit, my days of being a silly young adult are over really fast." Ugh, I'm probably just nervous and stressed, but it amazes me how I wanted something so badly, and now that it's staring me in the face, I'm freaking out. Jeez, what's my deal?

Time to take a deep breath. Learning to wake up early is going to suck. I'm sooo not a morning person. Hello, giant cup of coffee. And secretly, I'm really excited to wear dress clothes twice a week. So there will be no more Tuesday movie night and no more going out Sunday night. But this is me moving on with my life, and I should be really proud of myself for having gotten this internship and for wanting to be successful.

So yeah. Prepare yourself for upcoming blogs about my addiction to coffee and anger towards sexy yet uncomfortable heels. :)

(photo from here)

pass the crayons please

As I somewhat described in my previous blog, I'm having thoughts about my future. It's like I'm back in kindergarden and my teacher is asking me, "Olivia, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know what to say. (It may be interesting to note that I'm currently eating animal-shapes Easy Mac... maybe I belong back in kindergarden...)

When you're a kid, it's exciting to have infinite possibilities ahead of you. But now I'm 21 years old and feeling the crushing pressure to know right now what I'm going to want to do for the rest of my life. And when it comes to the question of what I want to do when I grow up, I'm not much wiser now than I was during the age of nap times and coloring books. Pass the crayons?

I've considered tons of professions: advertising, teaching, business, graphic design, nursing, fashion design, art, creative writing, journalism, nutrition, clinical laboratory science, cosmetology... but how can I be so sure that what I like now, I'm still going to like when I'm 45?

Heck, am I even going to like it by the time I get out of school? That's another fear I have: that I'm going to decide on something (as I've done with advertising), but then I'll hate it once I get out into the real world and actually do it. That's the crappy thing about school; you learn about something, but you don't actually learn what it's really like, day to day. What if I get stuck in a cubicle and want to rip my hair out because I can't think of a good slogan for tampons?

I'll never know if I don't try, that's for certain. So let's imagine I graduate with my advertising degree and work at an agency somewhere for a year or two and can't stand it? Do I spend more money going back to school for another degree? My student loans are already going to be terrible; could I even handle more debt? Probably not.

See? This is when the days of nap time and color pages sound sooo entirely awesome. Because everything was simple then. Dreaming of what you wanted to be when you grew up was an adventure, not a jail sentence.

(picture from here)