time to let it all out...

I need to get things off my chest. I want to talk about all this, but it's like my lips are sewn shut and if I don't say anything at all, I will never have to make any decisions.

I'm not good at making decisions. Not at all. But time keeps going on and I need to figure things out. I need to figure out what I want to do about my schooling. Yesterday I went over to my parent's house to do laundry and we talked about my education and what I want. School is so frustrating. Like, when I tell people that I'm majoring in advertising, they think I know something about marketing or business or graphic design. But I know none of that.

I'm majoring in Journalism & Mass Communication with an emphasis in Strategic Communication. What the hell does that even mean?!

I feel like this crap-education is going to lead me straight into grad school and that ain't happening. Maybe it's just because I'm tired of school, maybe not, but I think I'm losing interest in advertising. My heart is just not in it anymore.

So now what? Do I keep going so I have a bachelor's degree? My dad and the Boyfriend seem to think this is the answer. Although, the Boyfriend and I have yet to really talk about this. And my dad's philosophy seems to follow the lines of: "You may not love your job, you may just be able to tolerate it, but you make good money and use that to have fun with your life. Your job isn't about having fun."

Really? Do I have to live the kind of life where having a job can't be fun? Or am I still in a little kid mindset, thinking that I can be whatever I want and be happy forever? When you're a kid, your teachers get you to believe that when you grow up, its going to be this amazing adventure, like a fairy tale. But this isn't a fairy tale.

My mom surprised me by being very open minded. She asked me what the Boyfriend has to say about my confusion, and I told her that he said, "Well we both know its not my approval you're looking for." When my mom finally realized he meant her, she assured me in a surprisingly sweet way that it didn't matter what I chose to do.

We briefly discussed cosmetology school or an associates or certificate in fashion and retail from a tech school, but I can honestly tell you that I still have no idea what I want to do. I have no idea what is going to make me happy. I have no idea what is going to make all of this time and money I've spent on school worthwhile. What's the right answer? Can someone please just decide this for me?

(image from here)

amazing drinking game!

I have so, so, so much to blog about, but it will just have to wait until the morning. Until then, please entertain yourself with this adorable invention that I found here:

Spin the top, then drink a shot of your choice from whichever size lady you spun! Loooove this!

lame, I tell you, lame.

I feel guilty for being so poor.

And when I feel bad about something,

my first instinct is to shop.

Buy something to make me feel better.

But I can't. I'm broke.

The Boyfriend has to pay the rent.

And so I feel guilty for his burden.

But I have no job.

School is making finding a job hard.

So I'm stuck.

In a rut.

And I cry about my guilt,

and about my inability to buy,

and about my depressing state.

I bury myself deeper in this hole

of self-loathing and pity.

It's sad, really.

I don't know where I want my life to go.

Hell, I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

And this state of being

so confused, lost, and sad

is just killing me.

So now what?

Eat ramen, hate school,

desperately seek job.

Lame, ain't it?

Gross, again...

I also found this video on digg, and it's a Modest Mouse video directed by Heath Ledger. He didn't finish it before he died, so it was finished in his honor. It makes a very strong statement about his stance on illegal commercial whale hunts.

See for yourself, and prepare to be creeped out...

King Rat

(video found here)

Seriously? That's gah-ROSS!!!

I have to share this because it's seriously disturbing and disgusting.



Turns out, Brazil wants people to pee in the shower to conserve water by flushing one less time each day. Their claim is that if everyone does this every day, about 1,157 gallons of water will be saved each year in each household. This cartoon even shows Gandhi, Michael Jordan and Alfred Hitchcock peeing in the shower.

Sorry guys, but these cartoony yellow streams are not going to convince me to tinkle in the tub.

(icky video found here thanks to digg)

genius or idiot?

Please don't tell the Boyfriend that I've been staring at the computer screen for an insanely long amount of time today. Hey, I did the dishes. That was productive. Seriously though, if I don't get a job soon, I'm going to become some sort of lunatic. No good.

While staring into the glowy abyss of my computer screen, I had an interesting thought. And since I had nothing better to occupy my time, I pursued this interesting thought. What thought, you ask? This thought was of quitting my advertising degree and getting a certificate in fashion from a local tech school chain. Hmmm...

What did I discover? I could be a fashion specialist after one very intense semester of classes. Whoa. Cool, huh? Well, the only campus that offers the fashion specialist degree is, naturally, the farthest from where I live. I would have to go to this campus four days a week and attend a fifth class at the closest campus once a week. Sure, the 45 minute drive four days a week would seriously blow, but there is a chance I could ride the bus most of the way. I am not sure of this, however, because our transit system confuses the hell out of me.

Oh, and don't let me forget the fact that I'd have to also take 2 online classes. Yes, that brings us to a total of 7 classes worth 19 credits. That's definitely a lot, but its a challenge that I can't help but consider. Surprisingly, this class schedule is almost more appealing than my advertising one, since that schedule has me taking classes all afternoon, not leaving much time for a job. And we all know I need a job.

Was this a stroke of genius or a moment of boredom-driven insanity? Eh, I'm not so sure. Although its terribly tempting, I can't get the thought out of my head that I've gone to school for quite some time and built up a devastating amount of debt... can I really let that all go to waste over a certificate that might not be worth much of anything in the real world?

(cute kitty found here)

thinking thoughtful thoughts

So I've had an interesting day full of thoughtful thoughts:

1. Sometimes I feel like I'm over here and everyone else is over there, living their lives, while I sit alone and contemplate what on earth I want to do with my life. One of my friends went to New York and did paparazzi stuff and really lived it up for awhile. Now she's back to a small town life, but she's doing it the way she wants; she goes to rummage sales and thrift stores, has an etsy shop, and is just living a nice, calm life. Another friend of mine went to school for two years, became a respiratory therapist, works hard, owns her own Ford Escape and just bought a crotch rocket yesterday. She's making something of her life and has the goodies to show for it. I'm jealous of both those ladies.

2. I've mentioned before how inconsistent I feel about what I wanna be when I grow up, and it doesn't help that I recently learned that for an Advertising (or Journalism and Mass Communication) degree, getting a job is soon going to require a Masters. Sorry dudes, but let me make something perfectly clear: I will not go to grad school. So what does this mean for my life? Well, I sure as heck don't know. Part of me has been dissatisfied with my advertising career choice, but I've told myself to just stick with it since switching majors would just keep me in school longer. I should just get out with this degree and see how it goes. Well, apparently the place it'll probably go is back to school anyway. So why finish my undergrad if I refuse to get my Masters? Hmmm... that is exactly the question that's been plaguing me all day.

So I decided, just for the heck of it, to investigate some other options. At a nearby tech school, I could get an associates or a certificate of some kind in something cool like fashion marketing so that I could be a buyer when I grow up. That sounds like fun. Or I could go the medical route and get a degree in cardiovascular technology or anesthesia technology. Or I could learn about graphic design. Or even interior design. I could even get an Advanced Pastry Certificate... okay, that last one was a joke. But do you see what I mean? These things sound appealing and a lot less complicated than this advertising thing I've got going on.

Why don't I do it? Do you realize how long I've been in school and how much debt I've built up? I certainly can't waste all of that for just an Associates or a Certificate. And I can only imagine what my mother would have to say! It's all so frustrating. I hate having to try and figure these things out. These are really big decisions, and the more I change my mind, the more time and money I feel like I'm wasting. Ugh.

3. I really, really, really want a scooter. I think I would look totally awesome cruisin' around town on a little purple scooter. Don't you think I'd just have the greatest time? I do. Although the lack of a job and therefore lack of funds may prevent me from making such a purchase. Stupid jobless-ness is ruining my life. *Sigh*

4. I have two job interviews - one this week and one next week. One is for a cashier at a grocery store and the other is for a cashier at an electronics type store. So yeah, wish me luck, even though I know both of these jobs are going to pay less than I'd like. Oh well, I suppose. That's what happens when you're a poor college student... especially one who is pursuing a degree that doesn't offer paid internships.

(cartoon by natalie dee; very addicting comics.)